I dropped my lava lamp into a deep hole in the ground. And now I can’t reach my magma lamp.
Tags: one-liners
Permalinkterasurfer
paddling out…
View this collection as a list instead of the 3D world.
I dropped my lava lamp into a deep hole in the ground. And now I can’t reach my magma lamp.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFor every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkI met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means. What a legend.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDoctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”. Me: “and?”
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call 2000 mockingbirds? 2 kilomockingbirds
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkTo the guy that invented zero... Thanks for nothing.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIt's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Tags: misc
PermalinkMen who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou know you're addicted to wocka when your friends say something funny, and you cry out ''LOL, LOL'' instead of actually laughing out loud.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow do the crows in Texas greet each other? Yee-caw
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWindows95...the best $159 Solitaire game you can buy.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI always give 100 %... which is why I lost my job as an exam marker!
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkLaziness is when a person doesn't fake that he's working.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkIf you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkEngineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley. They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call new car smell in a Tesla? Elon's Musk
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 °C. Don't worry though, he's 0K.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy did the pencil cross the road? It was lead!
Tags: puns
PermalinkWhat do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFor all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI threw a boomerang 6 years ago and it never came back... Now I live in constant fear.
Tags: one-liners
Permalinkwhy does sour cream have an expiry date?
Tags: deep-thoughts
PermalinkI've already got a car, but I want to have a DeLorean as well. I would drive my first car every day, but only drive the DeLorean from time to time.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSo apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkRemember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHeard about Cuban Santa? He's makin' a list... chicken and rice...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFor Americans - let me break down today's Glenn Maxwell cricket innings from Australia. Australia is a country and a continent.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkCats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Tags: one-liners, animal, programming
PermalinkGrowing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy aunt told me don’t blink because life goes by so fast. She now suffers from severe eye inflammation
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat did Woody say to Buzz? A lot. There were 3 movies.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkNever take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWow, that was embarrassing. I opened my fridge and saw my salad dressing.
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkAn optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkAll inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy astronomy professor told me. I was his star pupil.
Tags: one-liners, science
PermalinkA donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther. He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOne time, my teacher said to dump our Math books. Then she said to get your Social Studies book. Then that became history.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant.
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkGolfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkI saw two kids damaging my front lawn with a network device. So I modem down.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI am known at the gym as the "before picture."
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkHow many of the phrases in English are palindromes? Not a ton
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf I ever use "Whatever" as a complete sentence, you better run.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhere does a spy sleep? Under covers.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf Dodge made an electric car... Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkNo matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkMy daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkTo be Frank... I'd have to change my name
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat did the pirate say when he turned 80? 'Aye matey"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other? Gluten tag
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkGrocery store flowers on Valentine's Day: show someone you care slightly more than not at all.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you power a piano with a cable does it have a chord?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow many IT people does it take to change a light bulb? Do you have a ticket for that?
Tags: one-liners
Permalink"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" usually mean the same thing. ...except at a funeral
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI am so bored I started reading the dictionary from start to finish. I am past caring.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow do Japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konnichihuahua
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkPopped a tire on a pot hole today. Badum tss
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do British nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI changed my password to "incorrect", so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkWhy didn't the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn't habanero.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkConfidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy phone fell from the 20th floor, good thing it was in airplane mode.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you hear that you can buy iron and carbon for the price of just 1 alloy? What a steel!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkNever make fun of an Italian baker. Or he'll kick the focaccia.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkI thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium then you curium and you barium.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkYour so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.
Tags: misc
PermalinkMost people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkQ: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? A: Because it's pointless!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe next iPhone won't be a failure. In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI come from a family of failed magicians. I have 2 half sisters
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip? An i-salsa-les triangle
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkI got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry. ...you should see my tan lines today
Tags: one-liners
Permalink“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”. “No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkI work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out...
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkWhat kind of music do they play at Stonehenge? Hard Rock.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkLast night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA golf ball is a golf ball, no matter how you putt it.
Tags: puns
PermalinkAs a german I have to ask: You know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you here about the giant with a nosebleed? It was all over town
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, "My door is always open".
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkI hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now when I get my electric bill, I am afraid of the light.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou can’t breathe through your nose while smiling. Of course you can I just wanted you to smile!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkRussian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI ended up in jail the other night and the guys across from me had glued themselves together... It was very confusing.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkA bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway. Witnesses are reporting a massive jam
Tags: one-liners, music
PermalinkBy working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkI start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkIf your coffee tastes like mud... It's probably fresh ground...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat is the chemical composition of banana? Barium disodium
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm starting to think cyber security is at the same level as mall security
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkIt's not a relationship until you argue about whose turn it is to apologize.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow can you differentiate male ants from female ants? They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI received a flyer on anger management the other day. I lost it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhere do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWould anyone be interested in being my companion? Asking for a friend
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a person without a son? per
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOne eye says to the other eye, "Between you and me, something smells."
Tags: misc
PermalinkI worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkWe all know Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother Frank was a monster
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI forgot the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500. I am LIVID.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSomeone told me they didn't like calculus. I told them their opinion would change over time.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkI took a video of my shoe yesterday. It was some pretty good footage
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkEveryone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank... I have no words for how angry I am.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkChaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkOrion's Belt is a big waist of space. Bad joke. Only three stars.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend just gave me a presentation on why I should invest in his sword making business. He made some excellent points.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI am probably single....because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI saw on Wikipedia that dolphins can bake bread! [cetacean kneaded]
Tags: one-liners, food
Permalink5-year plan? I haven't even planned this sentence volcano.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat does a redneck Buddhist believe in? Reintarnation.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkJust got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure. I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI just grilled a chicken for 8 hours. And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkI decided to get tattoos of Italy and France on my chest. Now I have really sore Naples. But other than that, it turned out pretty Nice.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy don't Malaysian TV shows get commissioned? Because they all have terrible pilots.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are birthday's good for you? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkJust read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but... shouldn't that be an even number?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy don’t introverted trees want to be chopped down? They don’t want to dialog
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant. but then I changed my mind
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen you marry, your spouse's family become "in-laws." So, when you divorce, does that make them "outlaws?"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen you try to prove to someone that something doesn't work, it will.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf I had a nickel for every bread pun. I'd have a pun-per-nickel.
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkThere's no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance".
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb. Then I realized that my life was a joke...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI use to eat natural foods, but then I found out that 65% of all people die of natural causes.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkTomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkYour opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are there so many people in Boston? They’re Mass-produced
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI couldn't fix your brakes, so instead I made your horn louder.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIn Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone" They call it the "Pal Region"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSome day, canada will take over the world. Haha woosh
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThey say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Tags: animal
PermalinkWhat is great in the US but awful in the UK? Losing pounds
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are volcanoes so jolly? Whenever they hear a joke, they erupt with laughter
Tags: one-liners, science
PermalinkWhy was the fraction skeptics about marrying the decimal? He was sure he would have to convert.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkWhat is another word for Thesaurus?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you hear about the tree that made an Ash of itself?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate the headphone jack.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWorking at a Hospital is the worst cause you can't call in sick. You: "Yeah, I can't come in today, I'm sick." Boss: "Come on in, we'll check you out."
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkWhen I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend? But then I saw the next two letters.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkIf at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThey said i couldnt bring outside snacks into the theater... But I've got a few twix up my sleeve!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It will change when the fire nation attacks
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI asked my father how many a couple is. He said, “Two or three.”. Which might explain why his marriage failed.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI would hug you, but I would rather wait until I'm covered in syrup. And until you have nicer clothes on. -Toddlers
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkSee no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls? Because he only dated mummies.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend told me I don't know what irony is... Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often. Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween. It wasn't the best costume but I still turned a lot of heads.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkAfter your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”. He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's the difference between Americans and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHumor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkEasiest way to win a debate is to have a sharp sword at the ready. Everybody will agree you have a good point
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you know that 18 out of 10 people don't understand fractions?
Tags: misc
PermalinkWe just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
Tags: one-liners, programming
Permalink0.666. ... beware the number of the millibeast.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like? No sun.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI got kicked out of school for playing an instrument. I got band
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat is Asia's favourite sitcom? Everybody loves Ramen.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSinging in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it just becomes a soap opera.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself any time.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIt's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkPeople who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI was going to tell a time travel joke... but you didn't like it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it then my illegal logging business is a success
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy can’t you breed a eel with and eagle? It’s Eeleagle
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkRelationships are like Algebra... You look at your X and wonder Y.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's Santa's favourite heavy metal band? Sleigher
Tags: one-liners, music, science
PermalinkI don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts? That's where I draw the line.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkIf time is money are ATM's time machines?
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkWhy did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites !
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkA clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkI would tell a swimming joke, but I think it's too watered-down to be funny.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkMy doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkBest math book never written: "High School Math" by Cal Q. Luss
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy Grandfather invented the cold air balloon. It never really took off.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe Earth's surface is 70% water. That water is uncarbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkTo be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat was NASA thinking when they decided to fly a rocket into a meteor? Did I hit or didymos.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe bartender says, “Go home. We don’t serve faster-than-light-particles here.”. A tachyon walks into a bar.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Tags: misc
PermalinkA good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I'm a cashew
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's a Boeing employee's favorite time of day? 7:47
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA calendar â something that goes in one year and out the other.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a failed Cuban space program? Castro naught.
Tags: one-liners, science
PermalinkI signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
Tags: one-liners
Permalink