What's the most Canadian Battery? Triple Eh!
Tags: one-liners
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What's the most Canadian Battery? Triple Eh!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow are peanut butter and jelly related? They're inbred
Tags: one-liners
Permalinkthe flat earth society has members all around the globe
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkAfter your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Tags: at-work
PermalinkI shot an arrow into the air, where it went I had no care... then it hit me.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkJust read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but... shouldn't that be an even number?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw.. He said yeah but it’s rare.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy is the Hockey Hall Of Fame situated in Toronto? So that Leafs fans can remember what a Stanley cup looks like.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkWith the rise of self driving vehicles, we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOne eye says to the other eye, "Between you and me, something smells."
Tags: misc
PermalinkWhy didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI changed my password everywhere to "incorrect". That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, "Your password is incorrect".
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkWhy do archaeologists get all the girls? Because they have the best dating techniques.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat packs a punch in your pants? Boxers.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHere's a lighted dynamite stick, please hold it until I get back.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkTried watching The Neverending Story, couldn't finish it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThis Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMiley Cyrus is a strictly american phenomenon... most everywhere else in the world, she'd be Kilometery Cyrus
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf 666 is the evil number. Then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf I had a nickel for every time I thought of you. I'd start thinking about you.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFinally my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's the derivative of Amazon? Amazon Prime
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do cubs fans do after they win the world series? They turn off their Xbox.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's the difference between a seal and a sealion? An extra electron
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision. I can just see it now.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI had a really good joke... but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime
Tags: one-liners
Permalink6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8 ,9 but why did 7 eat 9? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!
Tags: puns
PermalinkA verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun. Walk into a bar
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call a movie with Sonic the Hedgehog, and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkBack in my day we used to only have chalkboards. The new whiteboards they use are. Remarkable
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA group of introverts is called an oxymoron. Please help me
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow do you drown a hipster? Throw them into the mainstream.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThis sums up the 90s. 90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell... It only made it more sluggish.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat is the most dangerous position in chess? C4
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy roommates get angry when I steal their kitchen utensils. But frankly, thats a whisk I'm willing to take.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSo I met a vegan. I'd finish the joke, but she's still talking.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkShow me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
Tags: puns
PermalinkIf flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend said, “I really need to go home and feed my baby hamsters.”. Me: That’s a terrible diet for a baby.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow did the doctor cure the invisible man? He took him to the ICU
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can’t tell whether it’s 2B or not 2B.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOnce you’ve seen one shopping center...... You’ve seen the mall.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow can you tell when an alto is trying to break into your house? They can’t find the key and they don’t know where to come in.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl. They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSwitzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people. And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy mum bought me a book on procrastination at the start of high school. I haven't opened it yet.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSo I bought a miniature airbus and hung it on display in my living room, but nobody seems to notice it. It's a little plane.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkSome day, canada will take over the world. Haha woosh
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI have a lot in common with my Velcro wallet. We're both simple and great at holding everything in.
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkWelcome to plastic surgery anonymous. I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou might be a Redneck if you see a sign that says, "Say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
Tags: misc
PermalinkWhy is six afraid of seven? Because there's something odd about him
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkThe devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.
Tags: misc
PermalinkDid you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkSo my neighbour knocked on my door at 3am.. 3 AM! Can you believe that?! He was lucky I was still playing on my drumkit..
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway. Witnesses are reporting a massive jam
Tags: one-liners, music
PermalinkWhat did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium? O Mg
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy do people litter? Because they dont take the litter signs litterally.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI saw a stand-up comic doing jokes about botany. Nobody in the audience laughed except one guy. I looked at him and thought "you're a plant".
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal. China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkRap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to fine art.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHe call himself Iron man but his armours are actually made out of Titanium. Ironic
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkQ. What's the best kind of triangle to ask out on a date? A. Acute Triangle
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkRemember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkChildren certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?
Tags: children
PermalinkI don't always listen to heavy metal, but when I do so do the neighbors.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI want my 11780 dollars. Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkTwitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkRule #1 for learning english. Their our know rules!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat’s Gollum‘s favourite horror movie? The Ring
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat starts with “E” and has only one letter in it? Envelope!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do ducks smoke? Qwack
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkGuys, the USA is looking pretty bad... I think its time for USB.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhere does a fish deposit his checks? At the river bank
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkThere are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkAn atom loses an electron... It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkCan you conquer the largest continent on earth? No, but Genghis Khan!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSpeak your mind out when you're angry. You'll make the best speech you'll ever live to regret.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkAt 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground. Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThat awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMarriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe only thing Flat-Earthers fear. Is sphere itself.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHomework... something you go to school hours for and not do.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans? >!Because Australia won the coin toss!<
Tags: one-liners
Permalink90 degrees is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDon't you dare hit that drum again! If you do, there will be repercussions!
Tags: one-liners, music
PermalinkJust saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFriends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do bees do with their honey? They cell it.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkWhy can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone? Because eventually, its cover would be blown.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy Math teacher told me 0! = 1. But my computer teacher told me 0 != 1
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHey girl, are you my Physics examination paper? Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing
Tags: one-liners, science
PermalinkI almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday. it was a risk I was willing to take
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkWho is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band? Rolling Stones
Tags: one-liners, music
PermalinkLPT: If you commit 90 sins, you only get caught half the time. sin 90 = cot 45
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDo you know how to avoid clickbait? Obviously not
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkGrey hair is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
Tags: children
PermalinkWhat do you call sunscreen in Ireland? Pubs
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy didn't the dog want to play football? It was a boxer!
Tags: one-liners, animal, sports
PermalinkMy friend says he has the body of a Greek god... I had to explain to him that Buddha wasn't Greek.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom swept the nation.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat did one autumn leaf say to another? I'm falling for you.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
Tags: one-liners, medical
PermalinkA clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkMy biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results speak for themselves
Tags: one-liners, science
Permalink"Doctor, Every time I drink coffee I get pain in my eye." "Take the spoon out of your cup."
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkHow many D D players does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. Never split the party.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
Tags: one-liners
Permalinkwhat is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music? mount rushmore
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDo you know who created fractions? I think it was Henry the 1/8.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkI recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkFive days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIs it good or bad if your vacuum sucks?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's blue and doesn't weigh much? Light blue
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm gonna spend Valentine 's Day with my ex... Box 360.
Tags: one-liners, programming
PermalinkWhy did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Tags: misc
PermalinkEvery day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThey used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkThis fibonacci joke. is as bad as the last two you heard combined
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI think pennies are made of copper and zinc. But that’s just my two cents
Tags: one-liners, science
PermalinkCan't throw the ball, kept on bouncing away: situation is out of hand.
Tags: one-liners, sports
PermalinkMy friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D and I said, yes, but they R2D2.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkEngland has no kidney bank but... It does have a Liverpool
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together. At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkWhy do shepherds never learn to count? Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.
Tags: one-liners, animal, at-work
PermalinkI read right the way through a medical dictionary, and found that the only thing in it I DON'T have is hypochondria!
Tags: medical
PermalinkDad puts the car in reverse, looks in the rearview mirror and says... "Ah, that takes me back."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkToday is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you're still young enough to remember it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students? A blood test.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI told Leonardo DiCaprio a joke about the Oscars... He didn't get it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI used to be an adventurer until I went to Antarctica. Thats when things went south
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkPeople say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cures salmon.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf Cinderella had been a dairy maid she would have been called... Mozzarella!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr.Dre
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIf you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy are clams so hard to see on the bottom of the ocean? They’re clamouflaged.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI knew a guy who was going to open a pastry shop. But he couldn't raise the dough.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkIf you get in the mood to do some work, someone will always wake you up.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkWhy is the Australian emergency line is“000”? Because it’ll look the same when your phone is upside down.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWho invented the circle? Sir Cumfrence
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI just checked my account balance at the ATM. It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles
Tags: one-liners, money
PermalinkI used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkCop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do? Miner: Mine.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI'm stuck somewhere between playing my cards right & not playing with a full deck.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat. The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI am probably single....because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThe human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job.
Tags: one-liners, at-work
PermalinkI've just bought a thesaurus but all the pages are blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDinosaur Fact. Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMe in my 20's: "Dresses like I'm on the catwalk." Me in my 30's: "dresses like I walk cats."
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkI completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkLet not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat's the best part about Valentine's Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Tags: one-liners, food, money
PermalinkLetting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Tags: one-liners, animal
PermalinkDid you know you can actually eat lava? Only once though.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI hate calculus... I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkIf you're here for the yodeling lesson. please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkRelationships are like Algebra... You look at your X and wonder Y.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThis is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDid you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThat awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHow do fortune tellers greet each other? You’re good, how am I?
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIntelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it. I love a play on words.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkA Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "five beers, please."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI miss my umbilical cord.. I grew attached to it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkYou can't run through a camp ground. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSay what you want about Floyd Mayweather. He can't read it anyway
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts? That's where I draw the line.
Tags: one-liners, math
PermalinkI made voodoo dolls of my dogs just so I could still rub their bellies while I'm at work.
Tags: one-liners, animal, at-work
PermalinkLast Father's Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
Tags: one-liners, food
PermalinkWhat's DJ Khaleds favourite number? 11 because it has another 1.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhy do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkArgon walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve noble gases here." Argon doesn't react.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkThey should stock ATM's better. I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners? Not a fan.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkI had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy uncle is very superstitious. He won't work any week that has a Friday in it.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSomebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like, "What the Hellmann?"
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkEnglish can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWanted: a man has been stealing the wheels off of police cars. Officers are working tirelessly to catch him.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOne day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWe've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhen he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkSometimes when I feel lonely I buy some stocks. Its nice to have a bit of company
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkMy gf is like the square root of negative one hundred. She's a perfect ten but imaginary
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkDo you know why Sonic never chooses Heads? Cause he prefers Tails.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkOnly in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhere did the frugal judge sent the criminal? To the pennytentiary.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkWhat do you call it when a singer gets a chance? An opera-tunity!
Tags: one-liners, music
PermalinkWhat is the saddest time in Brazil? Seven to one.
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkLiquor probably won't fix your problems... but it's worth a shot.
Tags: one-liners
Permalink"Master Yoda, are we on the right track?" "Off course, we are.."
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkHave you heard about the street performer who did his act in the middle of a hurricane? It was mime-blowing
Tags: one-liners
PermalinkIt's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.
Tags: one-liners
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