A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
— public joke corpus
How can you tell an elephant from an ant? An ant is easier to pick up!
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Q: What do you call a cat with a machine gun?A: Sir.Q: What does a snail do on a tortoise's back?A: "Vrooom... vrooom... vrooooooom..."Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
— public joke corpus
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? He didn't know how to null his feelings.
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If You Don't Know How to Read, Find Another Joke.
What happens to you if you can not read? Well, since you'll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!
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Can you decipher this phrase? SMOKE G Go up in smoke!
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How are the Points Calculated?
For a complete breakdown of how points are calculated, please read the Site Rules. You can get to the site rules by going to the FAQ's and the first answer gives you a link to the Site Rules.
— public joke corpus
Sign outside a Chinese restaurant: Try our curries, you'll never get better.
— public joke corpus
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
— public joke corpus
Can You Decipher This Phrase? QQQQQQ No excuse. There is no X listed, but there are some Qs.
— public joke corpus
How many FBI agents does it take to change a lightbulb? Shut up! We'll be asking the questions here.
— public joke corpus
Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb? A: Many hands make light work.
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Knock Knock! Who's there? Who who. Who who who? Is there an owl in here?
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Knock-Knock Who's there? Oscar Oscar who? Ask her a silly question, get a silly answer!
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Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!"
— public joke corpus
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it? her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
— public joke corpus
The world's most widely seen warning label: "Intel Inside"Windoze 95/98 Tech Support response: "It's not a bug, it's a feature."Apple: "We may not do everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to change."
— public joke corpus
Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base? Because there’s a Shortstop in between!
— public joke corpus