What's green and goes camping?A boy sprout!
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
The phone rings in the maternity ward. Upon answering, the duty midwife is told by a man "Mrs Jones is about to give birth, her contractions are just 3 minutes apart!" The midwife asks "Is this her first Child?" Bemused, the man says "No, don't be daft, this is her Husband!"
— public joke corpus
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
— public joke corpus
In the morning elephants put springs on their feet and jump around the jungle. Now the most fearsome sound to a monkey is "Boing Boing"
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Why are eggs so frustrated?They only get laid once, eaten once, and you have to boil them to eat them hard!
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Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."
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Why did the penny jump off the cliff and not the quarter? Because the quarter had more cents!
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Why did the programmer bring a ladder to work? They heard the code needed to be debugged from a higher level.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
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What did one virus say to the other virus? Keep away from me, I think I've got penicillin!
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A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
— public joke corpus
Q: Why did the little girls put minnows in their pants? A: So they could smell like big girls.
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What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
— public joke corpus
Ever wondered why bees hum? It's because they don't know the words.
— public joke corpus
What can you break without saying its' name? Silence...Shhh!
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And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble.
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What is a pirate's favorite food? Taco Bell's cARRne asada.
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The difference between the Pope and your boss.... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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Why would a guitarist become a good programmer? He's adept at riffing in C#.
— public joke corpus
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
— public joke corpus