I was going to buy an invisible sword... But I don't see the point.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
My GF said she's leaving me because of my obsession with TV Dramas. But will she really leave me?... Find out next week!
— upjoke.com
My calculator is really reliable. I can always count on it.
— upjoke.com
Did you know that you can actually jump into a volcano? But only once.
— upjoke.com
Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away? He was viewing graphic material
— upjoke.com
Calculus has a steep learning curve... But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!
— upjoke.com
I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
— upjoke.com
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle? It’s Eeleagle
— upjoke.com
What do the English do immediately after winning the FIFA World Cup? Turn off the Playstation.
— upjoke.com
My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing... They hope he resurfaces soon.
— upjoke.com
Some say that the english language is hard to learn. But you can do it through tough, thorough thought though.
— upjoke.com
In order to get to the valves, a mechanic carefully removed the engine parts from a car while the car owner - a surgeon - looked on. Afterwards the mechanic said to the surgeon: 'You know, I reckon my line of work is every bit as difficult and skilled as yours.' 'Perhaps,' said the surgeon, 'But I'd like to see you do it while the engine is running.'
— upjoke.com
What type of pasta is best eaten on its own? Ravi-lonely.
— upjoke.com
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear. I’ll let myself out...
— upjoke.com
People say being a waiter is a bad job but, hey, it puts food on the table.
— upjoke.com
Why did the walrus become a plumber? Cause he loves a tight seal.
— upjoke.com
What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot? 671 Hallmark movies.
— upjoke.com
What do you call tension in the percussion section? Druma
— upjoke.com
I'm starting an asphalt company on Abbey Road. It'll be called Ringo's Tar
— upjoke.com
Why are bacteria so bad at maths? Because they multiply by dividing.
— upjoke.com