Student: I'll never be good at geography. Geography teacher: Not with that latitude!
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Why are Pokemon considered manly in Peru? It all dates back to the time of Macho-Pikachu
— upjoke.com
Where do grains of wheat sleep? In a breadroom
— upjoke.com
I asked my Aunt"How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
— upjoke.com
I went to a zoo and there was a baguette in a cage. The keeper said it was bread in captivity.
— upjoke.com
What brand of cereal is the strongest?? Mini Wheats, because they’re shredded.
— upjoke.com
I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt. I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.
— upjoke.com
| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. It's pointless. But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point.
— upjoke.com
Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth. And then you’ll all be sorry.
— upjoke.com
Back when I played hockey, they used to call me "the Titanic." I looked pretty good until I hit the ice.
— upjoke.com
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls? Because he only dated mummies.
— upjoke.com
Why don't we use swords anymore? Aren't they still cutting edge technology?
— upjoke.com
My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin.... Heads or Tales.
— upjoke.com
"With my sonic superpowers I shall call myself.... ...TINNITUS!" "Tinnitus?" "Yeah! Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?"
— upjoke.com
What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium? O Mg
— upjoke.com
You are dust and you shall return to dust... Which is why I don't dust - it could be someone I know.
— upjoke.com
A physics teacher writes a question on a board "A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?" A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer: "In a foste... read more
— upjoke.com
Why do archaeologists get all the girls? Because they have the best dating techniques.
— upjoke.com
What do you call a toxic work environment? A staff infection
— upjoke.com
The Calbuco volcano is very hot right now... But everything around it is Chile.
— upjoke.com