I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around, eventually.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
My teacher frowned at me when I handed in my trigonometry test paper. I don't think that's a good sine
— upjoke.com
Whats a boomers weapon of choice? A boomerang. I hate my life.
— upjoke.com
When our son was 5... I tried to get him with the old joke "What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?" The classic answer, of course, is "Finding half a worm." So I said "Hey Michael, what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?" He thought a few seconds, then said "Falling into a volcano?" After I finall... read more
— upjoke.com
What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other? Gluten tag
— upjoke.com
I got a new job as a carpenter. The boss told me I’m like lightening with a hammer. Thanks, I said, is it because I’m so fast? No, he said, it’s because you never hit the same spot twice.
— upjoke.com
Fruit Loops is putting marshmallows in their cereal like Lucky Charms. I guess Toucan play that game
— upjoke.com
What do you call a cheetah that's been eaten? Fast food.
— upjoke.com
Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
— upjoke.com
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
— upjoke.com
There are a few criminals in my town that keep stealing wheels from parked police cars. The cops are working tirelessly to catch the suspects.
— upjoke.com
I like decimal place jokes. Jokes about whole numbers just have no point.
— upjoke.com
People who can't tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals. .are missing the point.
— upjoke.com
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle I responded, “That’s not right.” With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle. “Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”
— upjoke.com
If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
— upjoke.com
A Lesson in History The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the... read more
— upjoke.com
Hockey players are good at making new friends. They break the ice really quickly.
— upjoke.com
My father was a kamikaze pilot in his youth. Not a very successful one, obviously.
— upjoke.com
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
— upjoke.com
TEACHER: George go to the map and find North America. George: Here is it! TEACHER: Correct! now, class, who discovered North America? Class: George!
— upjoke.com