I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
— public joke corpus
Q.)Your child poops in their pants- what do you do? A.)Drop off the child at day-care and make them change it.
— public joke corpus
What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"
— public joke corpus
Why did the book have to go to the hospital? Because it injured its spine.
— public joke corpus
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
— public joke corpus
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
— public joke corpus
Q-If the big breasted women work at Hooters, where does the one legged woman work? A-Ihop
— public joke corpus
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market. The agents will be called "Pseudo Feds."
— public joke corpus
Who Invented the Snooze Button?
I want to kick the guy who invented the snooze button...then five minutes later, I'll kick him again. Thanks Andrew!
— public joke corpus
If you don't like my driving, stay out of the bus shelters!
— public joke corpus
Knock Knock! Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? No! Kangaroo!
— public joke corpus
Pilot: Pilot to tower. . . pilot to tower. . . I am 300 miles from land. . . 600 feet high and running out of gas. . . please instruct. . . over. Tower: Tower to pilot. . . tower to pilot. . . Repeat after me. . . "Our Father, which art in heaven. . . "
— public joke corpus
A local psychic hotline opened up a new number especially for frogs, called "The Psychic Frog-line." A frog called, wanting to know his future. "You will meet a beautiful young girl," predicted the psychic. "This is great!" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party? At the pond?" "No," replied the psychic. "Next semester in a biology class."
— public joke corpus
If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish... He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.
— public joke corpus
Q:What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?A:Nothing, They never met!
— public joke corpus
In Arkansas, it is illegal to say the word Arkansas incorrectly.
— public joke corpus
How do you catch an elephant? Dig a hole, put peanuts around it, fill it with ashes and when the elephant goes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash hole.
— public joke corpus
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
— public joke corpus
Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world? It was legend dairy.
— public joke corpus