Every joke I've kept

I love it when you go down on me... you relieve so much tension and stress... but when you're making me feel really good, you come back up... Stupid gas prices...

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Haiku are funny But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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What do you call a dog in the sun? A Hot Dog!

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Did you here about the giant with a nosebleed? It was all over town

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Can you decipher this phrase? FORWARD Straightforward!

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Again It's Another Chicken Joke Not Involving Crossing the Road

What do you call a chicken? A chicken.

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Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

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What did the baby lightbulb say to his mother? I wuv you watts and watts!

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One day a three legged dog walked into a bar. He said, "I'm looking for the guy that shot my paw."

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Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A: A collie-flower!

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A book never written: Yellow Rivers by L. O. Tsoftea

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There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathroom since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was, "The flowers are artificial." [Editor's note: Evidently some employees created a rest room gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level]

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Two cows were in a field grazing. First cow says, "MOO." Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."

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Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies. Honecker: "I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation." Mielke: "Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation."

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Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk? A: A mouse coming back from vacation.

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What's the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow BALLS! (Ding dong kind)

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When you go into the bathroom you're Russian; when you are in the bathroom, European; when you come out of the bathroom, you're Finnish. You have to read the nationalities slowly

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Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"

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What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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