Every joke I've kept

What is Will Smith's favorite type of forensic evidence? Fresh prints.

— upjoke.com

Today, my friend warned a pedestrian about a pothole. I guess that makes him a trip advisor.

— upjoke.com

Why does windmills like heavy metal? Because they are a huge metal fan

— upjoke.com

Who's Santas favorite singer? Elf-is Presley !

— upjoke.com

Don't marry a singer. I married one and it was just "me, me, me" all the time.

— upjoke.com

I just aced my philosophy test. The question was, "What is the central question of epistemology?" I answered, "How should I know?"

— upjoke.com

My archaeologist friend was looking sad at work, so I asked him if there was something wrong "Of course there is!" He said. "My work is in ruins!"

— upjoke.com

How did the two archaeologists fall in love? Carbon dating.

— upjoke.com

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop... I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

— upjoke.com

Alcohol is not always the answer but it’s worth a shot.

— upjoke.com

I've heard that Argentina is starting to get a little colder... In fact, it's bordering on Chile

— upjoke.com

If a buffalo and baboon mated... Their child would be a real buffoon.

— upjoke.com

As a 6.2 person alot of people wouldask "wow! Your tall! Do you play basketball?" At some point I started to reply "wow... your short, do you play miniature golf?"

— upjoke.com

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged

— upjoke.com

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades? By shaving with them.

— upjoke.com

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean? Heavy rock

— upjoke.com

Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

— upjoke.com

Drinking alcohol is like calculus. You have to know your limits.

— upjoke.com

What is the saddest time in Brazil? Seven to one.

— upjoke.com

Don’t date a calculus teacher. They’re gonna replace u

— upjoke.com