What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I was told to get out of my comfort zone So I started driving on the other side of the road Not only I’m I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else
— upjoke.com
How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning? Medium rare.
— upjoke.com
I really admire people who keep going despite being in a lot of debt. They really deserve a lot of credit
— upjoke.com
I received a letter stating I have outstanding debt. I thought, “Why yes, it is pretty fantastic!”
— upjoke.com
What’s better decimal jokes or integer ones? Decimal jokes. Integer jokes just don’t have any point.
— upjoke.com
I am so bored I started reading the dictionary from start to finish. I am past caring.
— upjoke.com
Me: I've lost the dictionary Her: Can you look upstairs? Me: I can't look up anything
— upjoke.com
Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary? It's a play on words.
— upjoke.com
Why don't aliens visit Earth? Bc we have 1 star rating...
— upjoke.com
Why does France have so many rivers? Water follows the path of least resistance.
— upjoke.com
The invention of the spoon was an important point in human history. It caused...quite a stir.
— upjoke.com
The contact lens is mans greatest invention. At least in my eyes
— upjoke.com
What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight? It becomes DAYTROGEN!
— upjoke.com
How do farmers party? They turnip the beets.
— upjoke.com
A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
— upjoke.com
Salary negotiation Employee: I’d like to be paid what I’m worth. Employer: And I’d like to pay you what you’re worth, but I can’t because there are minimum wage laws.
— upjoke.com
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue. until all the birds have gone south for the winter!
— upjoke.com
My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results speak for themselves
— upjoke.com
"Persian sonic, why are you tired?" "Iran."
— upjoke.com