Does music make you think? It made Stevie wonder...
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Whats you father's occupation? Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."
— upjoke.com
If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be? A Non-Prophet organization.
— upjoke.com
Germanys funniest joke according to research A man comes to the fortune teller and sits in front of the crystal ball. "I see you have two children," says the fortune teller. "YOU believe that!" He replies. "I am a father of three." The fortune teller smiles and answers: "YOU believe that!"
— upjoke.com
I have a fear of elevators but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
— upjoke.com
What's the difference between a grandfather clock and grandmother clock? The dong.
— upjoke.com
Steel producers are grappling with the high price of iron... ...they say it's a terrible ore deal. (An ore-ful joke, I know.)
— upjoke.com
Why was titanium afraid of iron and argon? Because there is nothing to fear but FEAR itself
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What kind of computer is the best singer? A dell
— upjoke.com
What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger remembers the lyrics to Africa? Toto recall
— upjoke.com
The king of precipitation doesn't visit Earth very often. He reigns from above.
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What does the boss bacteria call his employees? His staph
— upjoke.com
I know someone who faked his degree in botany. He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.
— upjoke.com
I recently started dating an archaeologist. It just goes to show that they will date anything.
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What's the difference between Astrology and Astronomy? About 50 IQ points.
— upjoke.com
Why hasn't Peru adopted LED lights yet? Because they are proud of their incan descent.
— upjoke.com
I recently had a heated debate with a mathematician about fractions. It's fair to say that our opinions were divided
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For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed. I had a fantastic two weeks sat next to the skirting board.
— upjoke.com
For Sale: Thick layer of dust. As seen on TV.
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I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions. 1.My credit card number 2.My social security number 3.Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate
— upjoke.com