Every joke I've kept

I shot an arrow into the air, where it went I had no care... then it hit me.

— upjoke.com

Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation. Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.

— upjoke.com

I was going to make a joke about blunt blades... But I don't see the point.

— upjoke.com

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

— upjoke.com

I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese. I mean, how dairy!

— upjoke.com

What do you call bread from India? It's Naan of your business.

— upjoke.com

Why do British people pronounce the word “Bri’ish” like they do? Because they drank all the T. (Told to me by my 11yo)

— upjoke.com

Why is chess so difficult for British people? Cause they just lost the queen.

— upjoke.com

What do you call a bull that got stuck in a door? Adoorabull

— upjoke.com

I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable. So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm She's doing better currently . And conducting herself properly

— upjoke.com

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?” “I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies. “Who?” the son asks. “Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

— upjoke.com

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car. Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

— upjoke.com

Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics? It's haunted by spirits.

— upjoke.com

What cereal does Spider-Man hate the most? Mystery O's

— upjoke.com

If humans are at the top of the food chain... Cannibals are one step above.

— upjoke.com

I think I'm failing my marine biology class. My grade is below C level.

— upjoke.com

Sometimes when people are sad, I let them color in my tattoos. Sometimes people just need a shoulder to crayon.

— upjoke.com

If the Colts' QB was on your fantasy football roster. You're officially out of Luck this season.

— upjoke.com

Did you hear about the Brazilian percussionist who was severely injured in a conga line? He made a maraca-ulous recovery. It came to me while in the elevator. I’m sorry.

— upjoke.com

First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba

— upjoke.com