I wish my name was Gary Boone! Do you wanna know why? Because, then, my name could be goon... you see, because you take the "G" from Gary and the "oone" from Boone to get Goon! But, you know, that's not the worst nickname. The person that does have the worst nickname is my friend, Phil Hart. I can't even tell you what we call him...
— public joke corpus
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a jeep and a dog? A flying car-pet!
— public joke corpus
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
— public joke corpus
A peek into the thoughts of computer techs worldwide ...an end user's guide to technical services.
— public joke corpus
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a German shepperd. The shopkeeper, replies that it will cost him $500. The man thinks for a minute, then asks how much a beware of dog sign costs. The shopkeeper calmly replies that it costs a whopping $1.98. The man thinks for a while longer, and asks for a beware of dog sign.
— public joke corpus
According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
— public joke corpus
Can You Decipher This Phrase? pu Back up!
— public joke corpus
The Secret Service has added a $1M security system to the President and Hillary's new home in suburban New York. The security system includes bullet proof windows, flood lights, and an alarm that goes off whenever Hillary's on her way home.
— public joke corpus
This joke's so old, it has mold on it! HA HA HA!
— public joke corpus
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
— public joke corpus
Is that a mirror in your jeans? Because I can see myself in them.
— public joke corpus
Q. What are the strongest days of the week? A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.
— public joke corpus
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
— public joke corpus
A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked, "What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?" The girl replied, "Chocolate fillings."
— public joke corpus
How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb? Pi. 3 screw exactly a radius's length, and the last about-one-seventh screws it in all the way!
— public joke corpus
Why are “Dad Jokes” so good? Because the punchline is apparent.
— public joke corpus
Q: Imagine you are stuck in a cell, no windows, no doors pretty much nothing. How do you get out? A: -Stop imagining!-
— public joke corpus
A guy goes up to his best friend and says, "Dude, I need you to do something for me, no questions asked." "Okay," says the friend. "What is it?" "I said no questions!"
— public joke corpus
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"
— public joke corpus
Can you decipher this phrase? TTTTTTTTTT Tent.
— public joke corpus