Every joke I've kept

What kind of triangle is never wrong??? A right triangle!!!!!!!

— public joke corpus

If winners never quit, and quitters never win... Who was the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead".

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A guy was smoking a cigarette. Another guy comes up to him and asks, "Do you have an extra cigarette?" The first guy looks at the box and reads that it contains 20 cigarettes. He counts all the cigarettes in his box and says,"Nope, don't got any extra cigarettes".

— public joke corpus

I passed my ethics exam. Naturally, I cheated.

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Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

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Teacher: Justin if I had ten tennis balls in one hand, and twelve in another what would I have? Justin: Huge hands sir

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Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team? She kept running away from the ball!!

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How do you make a kleenex dance?You put a little boogie in it.

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"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific." -Jane Wagner

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

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A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all."

— public joke corpus

What did one nut say as he chased another nut? I'm a cashew!

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What do you get if you cross a dinosaur, a tiger, a crocodile, a spider, and a elephant? I don't know but you better get out of it's way!

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Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? A. Because you might step in a poodle.

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At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know, you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"

— public joke corpus

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

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Time may fly, but does it have wings?

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Q. What goes clop... clop... clop... BANG! clop clop clop clop clop clop? A. An Amish driveby

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How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

— public joke corpus