What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
— onelinefun.com
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
— onelinefun.com
The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.
— onelinefun.com
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
— onelinefun.com
I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
— onelinefun.com
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
— onelinefun.com
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.
— onelinefun.com
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. It's pointless.
— onelinefun.com
I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.
— onelinefun.com
Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.
— onelinefun.com
If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.
— onelinefun.com
Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.
— onelinefun.com
My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
— onelinefun.com
Paying the internet $9.99 to take an IQ test is you failing the test.
— onelinefun.com
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
— onelinefun.com
So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter.
— onelinefun.com
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer ...oh wait, he does.
— onelinefun.com
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
— onelinefun.com
Not hiring someone because they have tattoos completely ignores the fact that they clearly have no issues with pain or commitment.
— onelinefun.com