A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show. Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Iron deficiency gang, rise up! But not too fast.
— upjoke.com
I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together. OMg
— upjoke.com
What do you call it when a singer gets a chance? An opera-tunity!
— upjoke.com
What do you call a shrimp that gets run over by a car? Road Krill
— upjoke.com
Never invest in Egyptian archaeology. It's a pyramid scheme
— upjoke.com
What do you call Professor X doing a wheelie? Professor + I'm sorry. lol.
— upjoke.com
You know what beats Stonehenge? Paperhenge
— upjoke.com
What is the best power tool to love? A Sawzall. Because it will reciprocate.
— upjoke.com
Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment. The conversation got rocky.
— upjoke.com
My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment? I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."
— upjoke.com
All my friends from Ecuador seem to be really healthy. I guess the Quito diet is working for them.
— upjoke.com
My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals. I told her I hope she gets a "C".
— upjoke.com
An Integer walks to a String and asks for its number. String replies, "Sorry, you're not my type."
— upjoke.com
My calculator broke again, but I'm not surprised. In fact, I was counting on it.
— upjoke.com
Why couldn't the rocket have a second launch date? It had thrust issues
— upjoke.com
I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me. 13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.
— upjoke.com
I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar. Now I'm ugly and annoying
— upjoke.com
Did you hear about the boy who ate his alarm clock? Apparently it was really time consuming
— upjoke.com
A man answered an ad that read "Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour".. When he arrived he was told he'd have to take a welding test. He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess. When the boss asked him why he did this he replied "One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr".
— upjoke.com