Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica? Their journey went south.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
What do you get when you drop the croissant your aunt made.. A cross aunt
— upjoke.com
What did the fish say, when he posted bail? I'm off the hook
— upjoke.com
A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
— upjoke.com
How are bats like real-estate agents? It’s all echo-location location location
— upjoke.com
How is the liquid inside the iPhone’s battery called? Apple juice
— upjoke.com
You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
— upjoke.com
I have an axe owned by George Washington. My great, great, great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my great grandfather had to replace the blade. But it is a treasured heirloom.
— upjoke.com
My two friends persuaded me to dress up as prepeller blades with them. At first I wasnt sure but now I'm a huge fan.
— upjoke.com
If I had a nickel for every bread pun. I'd have a pun-per-nickel.
— upjoke.com
If Stranger Things was British it’d be called. Bit Odd Innit?
— upjoke.com
What’s the most British thing in the British museum? The name.
— upjoke.com
Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull. I don't know how these people sleep at night
— upjoke.com
You are always stranded if the tire bursts in your Apple car. Because it has no jack.
— upjoke.com
A Cable repairman was on my street today and he asked me what time it was. I replied "It is between 1 and 8 pm."
— upjoke.com
Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables? They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.
— upjoke.com
What do you call recycled calculus jokes? Derivative humor.
— upjoke.com
Why are pirates the best at calculus? Because a true pirate never forgets the C .
— upjoke.com
While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
— upjoke.com
What kind of pants does a cave explorer wear? Stalac-tights
— upjoke.com