Every joke I've kept

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember everything.

— public joke corpus

What bird can't fly as high as you can jump? A bird in a cage.

— public joke corpus

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? A: About one third less than for a regular bulb.

— public joke corpus

Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a lightbulb? BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!

— public joke corpus

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff!

— public joke corpus

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

— public joke corpus

Can you decipher this phrase? M L I K Milk shake!

— public joke corpus

A 14-year old boy was helping his mom wash the dishes after dinner on a beautiful day. He says, "Mom, can I go outside? I want to play football." His mom says, "OK, but on one condition: you let your little brother play with you and your friends." The teenager replied with, "But mom, we already tried that. This time I want to play with a real football!"

— public joke corpus

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.

— public joke corpus

What is the Difference Between a Chicken?

What is the difference between a chicken? Neither can ride a bicycle.

— public joke corpus

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

— public joke corpus

Did you hear about the football game with the 0-0 score? Never mind, it's pointless.

— public joke corpus

What's a ghost's least favorite room in a house? -The living room

— public joke corpus

Melvin checked out a book from the library because the title read "How to Hug". It turned out to be volume 7 of the encyclopedia.

— public joke corpus

You know you're screwed when you fall in love with a woman you see at the mall, then realize that she is your sister.

— public joke corpus

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

— public joke corpus

How many cats does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Cats can't hold a light bulb

— public joke corpus

What is represented by this? EGASSAM Back massage!

— public joke corpus

This guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird.Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE? CAN YOU TALK?"The bird looks him in the eye and says "I can talk, all right. Can you fly?"

— public joke corpus

A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."

— public joke corpus