Every joke I've kept

What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak? Portugoose.

— upjoke.com

In Soviet Russia, a man calls the police. "Comrade commissar, I want to report that my parrot escaped." "Comrade, we have more important things to do than look for your parrot!" answers the policeman. "I am not expecting you to find him, comrade, I just want you to know that I don't share his opinions!"

— upjoke.com

Hey did you guys know South America is getting overpopulated? Yea, there’s like a brazilian people there.

— upjoke.com

SpongeBob may be the main character in the show... ..but Patrick is the star.

— upjoke.com

Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified? Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask? Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?

— upjoke.com

I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles. Alas, I was de-feeted.

— upjoke.com

Whats the difference between a guitar a tuna and glue You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish and your probably wondering what about the glue... I knew you would get stuck on that

— upjoke.com

What happened to the cat that ate a ball of wool? She had mittens!

— upjoke.com

Why don't escaped convicts make good writers? Because they never finish their sentences

— upjoke.com

Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet? You will tip over

— upjoke.com

If light travels faster than the speed of sound. How come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

— upjoke.com

Sonic looked like his games were getting better in recent years. and then BOOM

— upjoke.com

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at a bar mitzvah? Muscle. Tough.

— upjoke.com

I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.

— upjoke.com

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero... Thanks for nothing.

— upjoke.com

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar. He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

— upjoke.com

What’s Gollum‘s favourite horror movie? The Ring

— upjoke.com

How do you refer to someone who got over their anxiety? Past tense

— upjoke.com

What Sound does an Australian Frog make? Croakey

— upjoke.com

Can you make a sentence containing the words defense, defeat and detail? When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail

— upjoke.com