Every joke I've kept

Why can't basketball players go on vacation? They aren't allowed to travel

— upjoke.com

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician! I was just sitting there doing nothing!

— upjoke.com

What do you call a crocodile on roller blades? An alliskator. Caiman, it's not that bad a joke. I think it's gharial potential.

— upjoke.com

What do you call a vampire’s shoulder blade? Count Scapula

— upjoke.com

What did the knight say to the trainee who broke the blade off his sword? You need to get a handle on that.

— upjoke.com

Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free. I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.

— upjoke.com

The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships. ...so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.

— upjoke.com

You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.

— upjoke.com

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?" Because he ate too many cowleries.

— upjoke.com

Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...

— upjoke.com

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have a beer." The bartender says, "Ok but I dont want you starting anything."

— upjoke.com

Man I really hate calculus. It just derives me crazy

— upjoke.com

Where would you park your camel? The Camelot. PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

— upjoke.com

My new car has a reverse camera. It’s awesome. Since I got it, I haven’t looked back.

— upjoke.com

What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork? Bob. Sorry, this came to me as I was falling asleep.

— upjoke.com

My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.

— upjoke.com

I saw a grave sweeper at the cemetery and asked him if the place was haunted. He said no, he hadn't seen a ghost in over 200 years.

— upjoke.com

Cereal first or milk first? Neither. Bowl first.

— upjoke.com

Didn't that actress from Legally Blonde once eat cereal with a fork? No wait- she ate Reese With a spoon

— upjoke.com

what's a zombie's favorite cereal? Brain Flakes

— upjoke.com