When I was younger, I thought I was clever by coming up with a joke: What is a British person's favourite cereal? Cheerios! I told this to joke to a British person. They were a little tea'd off.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
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What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning? Gluten-tag
— upjoke.com
A lion and a cheetah had a race. The lion said you are a "cheetah" and the cheetah said you are "lion."
— upjoke.com
What does an exorcist do when his clients won't pay up? He gets the ghosts to repossess the house.
— upjoke.com
When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
— upjoke.com
You have three cups of coffee and 20 sugar cubes? How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes into each cup of coffee using all 20 sugar cubes. 1 cube in the first cup, 1 cube in the second, and 18 in the third because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in coffee.
— upjoke.com
If you replace your morning coffee with green tea ..... You can lose up to 87% of what little joy you have left in your life.
— upjoke.com
What weighs less than the color blue? Light blue
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How do you comfort an English teacher? There, their, they're.
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Why was Copy nervous on its date with Paste? Because Cut was at another table, and they were a controlling ex. I'm sorry.
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What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out
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I don’t understand why my credit score is so low. Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.
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For Americans - let me break down today's Glenn Maxwell cricket innings from Australia. Australia is a country and a continent.
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Who do you call when your pet cricket has a stomach infection? A gastro-entomologist!
— upjoke.com
I put a sticker of a cricket on our pontoon top. I call him Bimini Cricket
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I hate sports like cricket and baseball because all you do is hit and run over and over. if I wanted to hit and run I'd get in a car
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When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record... Confused, I replied, “Oh, is that still required?”
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I called up GameStop customer support. They told me to hold.
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What is the most dangerous position in chess? C4
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What is the most dangerous type of canoes? Volcanoes
— upjoke.com