Every joke I've kept

Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.

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Have you heard about camping? It's intense. (In tents!)

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Did You Pick Up Your Room?

Mom: Jimmy, did you pick up your room yet? JImmy: No mom, it's too heavy.

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Hey! Football team! Get off the band field!

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How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 to screw it in, and 3 to write a song about it.

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Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

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Why did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.

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Why don't React developers like nature? They prefer the virtual DOM.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

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Man: Do you serve breakfast here?Waitress: Sure; what'll it be?"Man:Let me have watery eggs…some burnt toast…and some weak coffee, lukewarm. Waitress: Whatever you say, sir. Man: Now, are you doing anything while that order is going through?Waitress: Why…no, sir. Man: Then sit here and nag me a while…I'm feeling homesick.

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Max: Here I am, once again! I'm torn into pieces...can't deny it, can't pretend! Just thought you were the one! Broken up, deep inside. But you don't get to see these tears I cry....BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES! Bailey: So, wha'd you do with the money? Max: What money??? Bailey: The money your mom gave you for voice lessons!

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What do u call, a hippopotamus that dances? A hiphopanominus

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You Know You're Addicted to Wocka When. . . .

You know you're addicted to wocka when your friends say something funny, and you cry out ''LOL, LOL'' instead of actually laughing out loud.

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What do you call a herd of white people? Avalanche What do you call a herd of black people? Mudslide What do you call a herd of mexicans? Jailbreak!

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What did the Red light say to the Green light? Don't look at me I'm changing!

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1. Aquariums + Gratitude = FISH THANKS! 2. Orange Bear + A Ghost = WINNIE THE BOO! 3. Saint Nick + A Grizzly Bear = Santa Claws! 4. Skunk + Kangaroo = STINK-A-ROO!

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Rich texans are fabled for their grand style but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local golf course followed by a servant pulling a foam-cushioned chaise- lounge, his opponents thought that was taking style too far."J.R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?" he was asked."Caddie, my eye," explained J.R. "That's my psychiatrist."

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Join the Marines: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them.

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If four people are standing under an umbrella and the umbrella has a hole in it, how many people are getting wet? None. It wasn't raining!

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