Every joke I've kept

The World is $7 trillion in debt.... Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?

— upjoke.com

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar. it was queen and they were playing their first gig

— upjoke.com

I read the dictionary the other day. At the start you think it’s the aardvark, but by the end it turns out the zebra did it.

— upjoke.com

I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank... I have no words for how angry I am.

— upjoke.com

Digital Milk What do you call a computer mouse for a cow?... a Moose!

— upjoke.com

This vehicle stopped on a dime. Unfortunately, the dime was in Joey's pocket

— upjoke.com

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

— upjoke.com

I asked the toy store manager where's the Arnold Schwarzenegger doll. He said "Aisle B Back"

— upjoke.com

What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves? Low Key.......!

— upjoke.com

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics... But graphing is where I draw the line!

— upjoke.com

What do whales like to draw with? A-krill-ic paint.

— upjoke.com

I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of an eagle. and a lifetime ban from the zoo

— upjoke.com

The eagle was a bird of many skills. One could say he was very talon-ted.

— upjoke.com

How do you tell the difference between an English major, a Math major, and a programmer? Ask them what "!" is

— upjoke.com

I don't have time for the Fall Equinox. But if you check back with me at Daylight Savings Time I should have an extra hour...

— upjoke.com

Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

— upjoke.com

What do you call an excited fireplace? Stoked.

— upjoke.com

What’s a fireplace’s best feature? Dat ash.

— upjoke.com

A good romance starts with a foundation of trust, friendship and mutual respect. A bad romance starts with rah rah-ah-ah-ah roma roma-ma gaga ooh-la-la.

— upjoke.com

It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France; otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation

— upjoke.com