Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building. It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? are they afraid someone will clean them?
— upjoke.com
The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle’s Law. Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise. —-Cole’s Law.
— upjoke.com
I hate when people don’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your”.. There stupid.
— upjoke.com
Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours. A worst case scenario.
— upjoke.com
Where do hockey players go to get another uniform? New Jersey
— upjoke.com
What did the mirror say to the icicle? If we had kids it would be a miracle.
— upjoke.com
Would anyone be interested in being my companion? Asking for a friend
— upjoke.com
What do you call a person who keeps on talking after everyone's lost interest? A teacher
— upjoke.com
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years... the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
— upjoke.com
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
— upjoke.com
I begged a judge to let me off jury duty because of my job, but he insisted that my company can do just fine without me for a few days. But that's exactly what I don't want them to figure out.
— upjoke.com
What's the main use for leather in the world? Holding cows together
— upjoke.com
At the library, I found a book called “How to enter a movie theatre without paying”. The librarian then approached me and told me that the author recently made a second book. “What was it called?” I asked. “My 2 years in prison”
— upjoke.com
If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code... ...they'd even know my birth year!
— upjoke.com
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador! I am not sorry.
— upjoke.com
If Cinderella had been a dairy maid she would have been called... Mozzarella!
— upjoke.com
I saw my neighbour going outside again and again to check his mailbox. When I asked why is he doing that, he replied - My computer says I have got mail.
— upjoke.com
What’s the key to a good mailman joke? The delivery.
— upjoke.com
I came out to my parents this week, I said I wanted to become a mechanic. I've already started transmissioning...
— upjoke.com