Every joke I've kept

What is the name of the baseball player who sits under a tree? Babe Root!

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My wife and I were at an outdoor shopping mall, and I came across what I thought was a 'life-sized' chess board. So I began playing chess solo. Ten moves in, my wife comes by and says, "Honey, that's a crà ̈che!"

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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What do you call an alien with no ears? Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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Why does Superman get invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

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What do you call someone with no nose? Nobody knows.

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What was the witches favorite subject in school? SPELLing

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Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

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Q: What do you call 50 black guys in a hole? A: Afro-Turf

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What's green and runs round the garden? The hedge!

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Why didn't Megan Fox run from the man-eating lion? Because she was a woman. *Told to me by a 7-year-old*

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What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods. The bear looked over to the rabbit and asked: "Mr. Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"The rabbit replied: "Why no, Mr. Bear, I most certainly do not."So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

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At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

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How many React developers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer dark mode.

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It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "Surely that's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened."

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Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

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Q :whats the best thing about children? A :making them!!

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X-axis + Y-axis + Z-axis + time = 4 dimensions.

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**Pick-Up Line Of the Day**Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then touches himself (all this while she is watching him) andsays:How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?

— public joke corpus