A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds. I'm here all day..
— upjoke.com
I think I have anxiety, but I don’t want to be diagnosed by a doctor. I’m worried if they tell me I don’t have it, I would’ve wasted their time.
— upjoke.com
I went to my local self defense gym and asked if I can take 2 classes today. They said no. “You can taekwondo”
— upjoke.com
Soo we’re going to the Autopsy club tonight huh? What’s happening there? It’s open Mike night!
— upjoke.com
I hate the misuse of Latin phrases and vice versa.
— upjoke.com
Why did the pedestrian path finally crack? It got tired of constantly getting walked all over.
— upjoke.com
Why are there so many people in Boston? They’re Mass-produced
— upjoke.com
What do you call 2 broadway shows going out for dinner? Play date.
— upjoke.com
What does a metal frog say? Rivet.
— upjoke.com
Can't decide if I want to steal some bikes or visit a heavy metal legend.. Either way I'm going to rob Halfords
— upjoke.com
What’s your name? When did you get here? Do you want copper, bronze or tin? Justin.
— upjoke.com
Villain : Why is my calendar wrapped in aluminium? Superhero : I’ve foiled your plan.
— upjoke.com
I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver... But to this day, I still don’t think they sound the same.
— upjoke.com
Iron Man is a very confusing character. I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.
— upjoke.com
I had a dream last night that I had a Magnesium deficiency.. I was like 0Mg
— upjoke.com
Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though... It was a quiet riot
— upjoke.com
Why can't our ears hear very high pitched sounds? Because it hertz.
— upjoke.com
“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, "You mean a choir?" “Fine! How much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”
— upjoke.com
I've just done my part to help the environment. I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.
— upjoke.com