Every joke I've kept

Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India? We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas.

— upjoke.com

There were many knights at King Arthur's round table, but without a doubt the fattest was... Sir Cumference. He was known for eating too much pi.

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I bought a stunning house in the Arctic recently. Gives me chills everytime I step into it.

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What kind of math do fish like? ALGAE-bra

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I asked my friend in Greenland, what it's like living there. He told me it's so great, he's on top of the World.

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My Brother Said Science Is Better Than Mathematics. I Said "Prove It"

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I wanted to major in reverse psychology. My dream school turned me down. So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

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I’m in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn’t even know I exist. and worse... she can prove it.

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Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.

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What do you call a monk with a philosophy degree? A deep friar.

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I saw a stand-up comic doing jokes about botany. Nobody in the audience laughed except one guy. I looked at him and thought "you're a plant".

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My uneducated neigbor was planning to grow a flowerbed in his backyard. But then he realised he can't plant flowers as he hadn't botany

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Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? It's where the students have the most potential.

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I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day. But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome

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What do you call an Australian visiting England on vacation? Returning to the scene of the crime.

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My son got an F in his geography exam today. I sent him to his room but he ended up in the kitchen

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Who invented the circle? Sir Cumfrence

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Hey, girl. Are you a fire alarm. Because you're annoying and wont shut up

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I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment." I said, "Sure, there's that..." "But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."

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If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users. Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

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