Every joke I've kept

Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's raining!

— public joke corpus

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

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On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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And in a Year I'll be Five.

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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This is a fun way to irritate your friends and family on your answering machine! On your answering machine - "Hello?" pause, "What's up?" pause again, "Oh, well you must feel pretty stupid right now because you're talking to my answering machine! So leave a message!" Beep.

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What key opens no lock? A Turkey!

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A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"

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A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these?" "Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor. "They're for your wife."

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PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough." DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled." PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?" DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."

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Team has no "I" in it, but it does have a "M" and "E" in it, making "me".

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One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo. Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste." Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"

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Confucius say... ~He who value skin does not wash cat

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of joke?"

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Battle Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians. Massacre Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.

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How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

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If you see a robbery at an Apple Store... Does that make you an iWitness?

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An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?Gifted

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Can you decipher this phrase? MTGG A hungry horse! MT (empty) GG (gee gee = horse).

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A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you." The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?" The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."

— public joke corpus