Any of you been to Uruguay or Paraguay? If you ever wanna go I Knowaguay.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Brazil is playing tomorrow and I'm betting that Neymar is ready to roll.
— upjoke.com
What do you call motor oil from Cuba? Fidel Castrol
— upjoke.com
Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries? If they didn't, they would be sweetish.
— upjoke.com
I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden... I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
— upjoke.com
A pencil and a scissors are having a debate. Everytime the pencil make a good point, the scissors get a little snippy.
— upjoke.com
Logic 101 Nothing is better than eternal happiness. A cheese sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
— upjoke.com
When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
— upjoke.com
I got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry. ...you should see my tan lines today
— upjoke.com
Can a ninja throw projectile weapons? Shuriken!
— upjoke.com
What did the hungry missile say? When is launch at?
— upjoke.com
Americans may be ignorant of other cultures... But at least we invented the hamburger
— upjoke.com
What do you call the single grain of corn on the tree? Acorn
— upjoke.com
Apparenly, we all come from dust and return to dust. That's why I never dust, it could be somebody I know.
— upjoke.com
My account got hacked. If you get a DM about meat from me, don't click on it. It's spam
— upjoke.com
My father said I would be able to consider myself successful when my bank account balance resembled a phone number. Hey. 911 is a phone number.
— upjoke.com
They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!
— upjoke.com
What did Thor start calling Ironman after he learned the suit was made out of gold titanium alloy? Ironyman ... To be fair Goldtitaniumalloyman just didn't have the same ring.
— upjoke.com
My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol... He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles...
— upjoke.com
I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered... "I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
— upjoke.com