The Russians were called "Reds," a long while ago. So a war general named Rudolf walks into a bakery. The baker starts talking about owning a reindeer. He starts asking questions about it to the general. When the baker gets home, he tells his wife, "Rudolf the Red knows reindeer!"
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Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet. A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
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Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
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Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out
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Knock knock? Who's there? Howie. Howie who? Howie gonna figure this out?
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I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. Sam Goldwyn.
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Music student: We played the beatles last night! Gym student:who won?
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Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant? A: Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
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What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard? A: A liquor cabinet!
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms or legs swimming? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms or legs water skiing? Skip
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Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo.
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Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
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A girl was throwing stones at a cow. Her father came & scolded her for throwing the stones at the cow & then told to her that cows are like mothers to them & should be respected. Next day guests come to their to their house & asked for her father. She said "Father is pressing breast of mother".
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Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
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Teacher: Joey, your behavior is terrible! How many more times am I going to have to keep you in after school? Joey: 97. Teacher: 97? Joey: Yeah. That's how many days are left until the summer holidays.
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Teacher: Whats usually used as the conductor of electricity? Orville: Why-er.... Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power? Orville: The what? Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.
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Q. What's worse than raining cats and dogs? A. Hailing taxicabs!
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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't know, but stop your crying!
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Harry walks into his supervisor's office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Harry, "I knew I could count on you!"
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