A timid little man in a restaurant carefully touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. "Excuse me," he said, "but do you happen to be Mr. Smith?""No, I'm not!" the man answered impatiently. "Oh. . . er. . . well," stammered the first man, "you see, I am, and that's his overcoat you're putting on. "
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A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
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Why was the font always tired? It was always bold.
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!
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Q: How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg. A: Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins. A: None. Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.
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How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: One, but 500 children to hold the ladder!
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How many cartoon characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? nine - three to find a light bulb, three to figure out how to remove the old one, three to screw it in, and all of them to complicate it!
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One day an Indian, a Muslim, and a Cowboy were just sittin' around when all of the sudden, the Indian said with a gloomy look, " Once my people were many, now we are few.", then the Muslim said with a huge smile on his face, "Once my people were few, now we are many.", the Cowboy replied , "Oh, that's just because we ain't played cowboys and muslims yet."
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Just when you are finally happy with your life and eveything going on in your life.... You get married and ruin it!
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No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
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Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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The reason grandparents and children get along so well is really quite simple: They have a common enemy.
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Here's a good trick to try on people... Say to them: "I'm going to ask you two questions. one you have to answer yes, the other you have to answer no. 1st question: Are you stupid? <(you can put in anything you want here) 2nd question: Are you a liar?
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What does this represent? WRIST WRIST Tourists! (two wrists)
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How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning? He was a good conductor.
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Touring Ireland's countryside with a group of travel writers, we passed an immaculate cemetery with hundreds of beautiful headstones set in a field of emerald-green grass. Everyone reached for their cameras when the tour guide said the inventor of the crossword puzzle was buried there. He pointed out the location, "Three down and four across."
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She was only a whisky maker's daughter, but he loved her still.
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How do the trees get on the internet? They log on.
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How do you know, your computer hates you? When it grows and pop ups.
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Have you heard about the sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.
— public joke corpus