Our local cemetery is running out of spaces It’s a grave issue
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
When I was at the grocery store, I asked an employee where the cereal was, and he said, "I'll see." And walks off. 5 minutes later, I asked another employee about the cereal, and he too said, "I'll see," and walks off. I eventually found it myself. It was in aisle C.
— upjoke.com
what is an English teachers favorite cereal? Synonym toast crunch
— upjoke.com
I had to start hiding cereal in my clothes so that my siblings couldn’t eat all of it. I have Trix up my sleeve.
— upjoke.com
Why can’t the Minnesota Vikings eat cereal for breakfast? They choke when they get too close to a bowl.
— upjoke.com
What's the worst name for a chain of restaurants? Dominoes
— upjoke.com
What could we call an international chain of hotels catering to vampires? Hema Globe Inns (Thoughts on this OC?)
— upjoke.com
I need a new bicycle chain. Can anyone give me any links?
— upjoke.com
Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...
— upjoke.com
I tried dating a cougar once. Turned out she was a cheetah.
— upjoke.com
I ́ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody! I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.
— upjoke.com
My Client Is Not Guilty. Lawyer: My Client Is Trapped In A Penny Judge: What Do You Mean? Lawyer: He's In A Cent.
— upjoke.com
Why didn't Romans use clippers to cut their hair? They prefer Caesars
— upjoke.com
A schooner, a clipper and a junk sail into a bar, All hands lost.
— upjoke.com
I caught a couple of clutches and transmissions today. but could just not catch a brake!
— upjoke.com
Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning. I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
— upjoke.com
"Doctor, Every time I drink coffee I get pain in my eye." "Take the spoon out of your cup."
— upjoke.com
The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say... ..."This is the whey" (Sorry)
— upjoke.com
Why was the dentist investigated by the Securities & Exchange Commission? For incisor trading!
— upjoke.com
TicketMaster was just fined $10 million for hacking into a competitor At least they were told it would be $10 million, but when they went on the court's website to pay the fine, the site tacked on a bunch of "processing fees" and "venue charges" and the total came out to more like $15 million.
— upjoke.com