Every joke I've kept

Heard about Cuban Santa? He's makin' a list... chicken and rice...

— upjoke.com

What do you call a failed Cuban space program? Castro naught.

— upjoke.com

It's pretty easy to fall in love with an Olympic Curler. They're used to sweeping people off their feet

— upjoke.com

How are snakes dangerous? They can’t even walk

— upjoke.com

Is sodium just as dangerous as francium in water? Na not really

— upjoke.com

I've heard rumors acid is dangerous. Pretty sure they are baseless though.

— upjoke.com

Most people think rattlesnakes and cobras are very dangerous... but really, they're completely armless.

— upjoke.com

Lots of people thought I was a fool for going into debt because I overspent on therapy sessions. But now I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

— upjoke.com

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt? His deer rear career is in arrears

— upjoke.com

Why was the fraction skeptics about marrying the decimal? He was sure he would have to convert.

— upjoke.com

A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank. "How much do you want to deposit?" asks the bank employee. Whispers the man, "Three million." "You can speak up," says the bank clerk. "In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace."

— upjoke.com

Software architects should never design high security fences. They’re likely to make them highly scalable.

— upjoke.com

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!" He replied, "Of course! Take the afternoon off." When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled and asked, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?" I shrugged, "I don't know..." "I'll tell you in nine months!"

— upjoke.com

All I asked for this Christmas was a dictionary and I didn't get one. I'm at a loss for words.

— upjoke.com

I keep telling people gullible isn't in the dictionary. Don't believe me look it up

— upjoke.com

When you have finished reading the dictionary? Every other book is just a remix.

— upjoke.com

Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography? Because he's the reel deal.

— upjoke.com

If I had a dime for every math problem I get wrong. I'd have $1.46

— upjoke.com

A quarter, dime and penny walk into a bar... Just wait this joke is going to make a lot of cents.

— upjoke.com

Divorced Barbie doll.. Comes with all Ken's stuff.

— upjoke.com