Every joke I've kept

Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every time he hit a bump He had another brother!

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What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!

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Meteorologists - People who tell something wrong and still get paid.

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Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

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Q: Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? A: No, I skipped it!

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what's the difference between here and there? The letter T! :) (Take away the T in there and you've got here!)

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The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

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What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? Answer: Roberto.

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It's impossible to be a participant in the march of time and not get a few blisters.

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When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he dosent get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris'd. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. It's decendants are know as giraffes. Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't pay off debt, debt pays off Chuck Norris.

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Why did the tent agree to stand up all night? He was roped into it!

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It's pretty bad if you start typing "lol" as if it were a sentence (Lol.) Its worse if you start saying, "laugh out loud" in everday conversations. It's absolutely horrible if you actually say, "l-o-l."

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I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

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How do you sink a polish ship??? Put it in water

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The policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia," she said. The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

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Knock-Knock Who's There Hatch Hatch Who? God Bless You.

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Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!" Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!" Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"

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Joe: Do you know the difference between a chicken and lettuce? Jill: No. Joe: Remind me not to send you to the supermarket!

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Please answer yes or no to this question. Is your answer "no"? Hint: This is under trick, remember. Answer: Yes or no.

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An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub.Each orderd a pint of beer . Then a fly landed in each one's beer . The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one .The Scott took the fly out ,shrugged, and drank his beer . The Irisman pinched the flybetween his fingers and yelled " SPIT IT OUT! "SPIT IT OUT!"

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