What did the plywood say to the 2x4? I’m board
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
What packs a punch in your pants? Boxers.
— upjoke.com
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof
— upjoke.com
The three unwritten rules of life 1. 2. 3.
— upjoke.com
What does 50 Cent call himself in Russia? 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rubles
— upjoke.com
In Soviet Russia, you rob banks... in Capitalist America, banks rob you!
— upjoke.com
At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years. Ok, I'll be back in two years.
— upjoke.com
At the interview they offered me a salary of $20,000 to work there. I told them to add two 0's at the end and they have a deal. Now I make $20,000.00
— upjoke.com
Errors are red, the screen is in blue. I think you just deleted system32
— upjoke.com
My 2 year old son dropped my phone and cracked the screen. So I sold it and bought a new one. Not sure what to do about the phone though.
— upjoke.com
I dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween. It wasn't the best costume but I still turned a lot of heads.
— upjoke.com
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!! Man, that sentence was way too long!
— upjoke.com
What do you call a shadow government ran by furries? The uwuminati
— upjoke.com
What did the lead singer of Queen say when he saw his shadow? "I see a little silhouetto of a man!"
— upjoke.com
I took a video of my shoe yesterday. It was some pretty good footage
— upjoke.com
What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
— upjoke.com
The Omicron Variant is like a Katy Perry song. Mild but pretty catchy.
— upjoke.com
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear. Is sphere itself.
— upjoke.com
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
— upjoke.com
I thought about joining the Navy to be on a submarine... But I changed my mind, I had a sinking feeling about that career path....
— upjoke.com