Every joke I've kept

A plane was flying from New York to Canada. The plane crashes right on the border line. Where do you burry the survivors? They don't because they are survivors, therefor they never died.

— public joke corpus

Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

— public joke corpus

Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have? JUST ONE BIG PILE!!!

— public joke corpus

Do You Wanna Hear a Good Joke?

Me: Do you wanna hear a good joke? Amy: Yes! Me: Me too!

— public joke corpus

My pal is addicted to brake fluid - but he says he can stop any time he wants.

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What was 50 Cent's daughter named? Penny!

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There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

— public joke corpus

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.

— public joke corpus

A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?" The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man." "I am." "Well, why did you make yourself like that?"

— public joke corpus

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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Two detectives were investigating a scene, The victims had their hands and head cut off. "It's going to be a nightmare identifying the bodies, with no finger prints or faces" said one. The other replied, "I thought it would be rather easy, how many people do you know walking around with no head or hands?"

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Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.

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A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"

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One day Jim, a duck, was swimming in a pond when he came up to another duck and asked "What are doing?" "Blowing bubbles," she replied. Jim met 3 more ducks and they all said the same thing. When Jim came up to a 5th duck he said "Let me guess, you're blowing bubbles?" "No," said the duck, "I am Bubbles!"

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And out of the night came the terrible scream, "Who put the sand in the Vaseline!?"

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Have You Ever Seen Moth Balls?

Have you ever seen Moth Balls? You have!!! How did you get their teeny, tiny and poor little legs apart? Ya fiend!

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Q. What do cows do for fun? A. They go to MOO-vies!

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A drunk phones the police. He yells, "Come quick! Thieves have stolen my dashboard, steering wheel, brake and gas pedal, and my dang radio!! MY RADIO!!" The police are just about to send out an officer when the drunk phones back. He says very calmly, "Sorry officers. It turns out I just got in my backseat."

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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

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When you marry, your spouse's family become "in-laws." So, when you divorce, does that make them "outlaws?"

— public joke corpus