Every joke I've kept

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you copying the test from your friend. Student: I hope you didn't either

— public joke corpus

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Yoo who? No thanks.

— public joke corpus

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in modern business and government, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

— public joke corpus

Roses are red, Roses are yellow; Grandfather's teeth Are lost in the Jello.

— public joke corpus

did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France? they were cooked in Greece

— public joke corpus

Bob: I'm going to go ride my spaceship. Jack: What's a spaceship? Bob: Dunno, I'll go invent it.

— public joke corpus

Any time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

— public joke corpus

Q:How many egotists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Just one. He holds up the lightbulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

— public joke corpus

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body that is required on it.

— public joke corpus

How Can One Person Make So Many Mistakes...

Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day? Alfred: I get up early.

— public joke corpus

Haven't I seen you on TV? Well yes I do appear off and on, how do you like me? Off.

— public joke corpus

Is your dad a baker? Because those buns are lookin' good! I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

— public joke corpus

"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers, Humorist

— public joke corpus

Ok Umm Uhh, Ahhh! Oh well, I just forgot what I was gonna say. Man I'm stupid

— public joke corpus

Sign outside a watch-maker's shop; Watch batteries fitted.

— public joke corpus

My dad has always told me that putting in a little effort and dedication on the job never hurt anyone. Then again, he never heard of worker's comp.

— public joke corpus

So there's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."

— public joke corpus

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" 'Yeah,' the man answered, 'I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life.' 'But you look like Abe Lincoln.' protested the barkeep. 'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.'

— public joke corpus

Sometimes people with a lot of cents have little sense.

— public joke corpus

Six-year-old Jerry came downstairs bellowing lustily. "What's the matter?" asked his mother. "Papa was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Jerry. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "A big man like you shouldn't cry at a trifle like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did," sobbed Jerry.

— public joke corpus