Every joke I've kept

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

— upjoke.com

If I'm not a solid, a liquid, or a gas, does that mean I don't matter?

— upjoke.com

Why don't cannibals eat Gospel singers? They keep throwing up their hands.

— upjoke.com

I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead. He seems like a fungi

— upjoke.com

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He’s a Singer songwriter or sew it seams

— upjoke.com

I just watched A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart. What he’s doing round my house I don’t know.

— upjoke.com

Why are most prime numbers such divas? Because they literally. Can't. Even.

— upjoke.com

What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect? "What were you doing the night between November and May?"

— upjoke.com

"Remember son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything. "Dad, are you sure?" "Absolutely!"

— upjoke.com

I was really doubtful that the scoliosis surgery would work... But now I stand corrected

— upjoke.com

I went to a dance recital in Asia. The koreagraphy was amazing

— upjoke.com

What do you call an Italian drug dealer in Asia? Narco Polo

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My friend asked me if I was going to Asia... I told him, "Yeah, Siam."

— upjoke.com

What is Asia's favourite sitcom? Everybody loves Ramen.

— upjoke.com

Why do so many robots live in Africa? 'Cause Botswana.

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I just finished writing my book on penguins. My publisher said it would've been better if I'd written it on paper.

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Which celebrity is always ready for ice cream? Reese, with her spoon.

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What do you call a super hero completely made of ice? Justice

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How do you talk with bacteria? By cellphone.

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New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop. I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

— upjoke.com