I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!
— onelinefun.com
I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.
— onelinefun.com
How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.
— onelinefun.com
Boss: "You're fired." Me slam fist on the couch: "You woke me up for this?"
— onelinefun.com
My dog and I both freak out whenever the doorbell rings but we run in opposite directions.
— onelinefun.com
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
— onelinefun.com
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
— onelinefun.com
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
— onelinefun.com
I'm single by choice. Unfortunately, it's not my choice.
— onelinefun.com
The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
— onelinefun.com
My nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching early man discovered fire.
— onelinefun.com
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.
— onelinefun.com
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice.
— onelinefun.com
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
— onelinefun.com
I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.
— onelinefun.com
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
— onelinefun.com
Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley. They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme...
— onelinefun.com
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a nearby dog barked and ran away. Now I am still looking for the dog to unlock my phone.
— onelinefun.com
I applied for a job today and they ask for three references. I wrote, "a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map."
— onelinefun.com