Every joke I've kept

I almost got fired for telling this joke at work: Do you know why fireman have bigger balls than policeman? They sell more tickets!

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what do you do with a dog with no legs? Take him for a spin!

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Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was caught buttering up his teacher

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Remember, whenever someone says that you're nobody, remember nobody's perfect.

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What key opens no lock? A Monkey!

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I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

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Why do they call it PMS? Because the name "MAD COW DISEASE" was taken.

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I was walking around in the movies with my friends and we saw this one teenager. His pants were falling down, so I said to my friends, "God, these kids nowadays! I thought a rapper died and the kid decided to put his pants half-staff!"

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Q. What do you call Asians swimming in a pool? A. Cornflakes

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Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor.

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My 12-year-old sister was filling out an application form for a foreign language course. Suddenly she stopped, a small frown on her forehead. A moment later, she wrote something down. Glancing over her shoulder, I saw that the question she had paused at was: "Mother tongue." On the blank space beside it she had written, "Pink."

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Why did the rooster cross the road? He heard that the chickens at KFC were pretty hot.

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When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

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Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

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Why do pirates not know the alphabet? They always get stuck at "C".

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Toby. Toby who? Toby or not toby that is the question!

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A waiter on a ship said to a boarding lion "sir, do you want anything of the chef's special?" The lion said "nah..I'll look at the passenger list,though!"

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Ever since Rhianna got dumped by her boyfriend, she put all the stuff that was his or made her remember him she put : " to the left to the left... in the box on the left..."

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How can you tell the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Look at the audience!

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Do you know what style of shoes a frog loves most? Open toad!

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