What do you call a bear that has been to Antarctica and the North Pole? A bipolar bear
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
My doctor removed my appendix... Now all that's left is the table of contents.
— upjoke.com
What's the most persuasive argument against democracy? "Have you ever worked in retail?"
— upjoke.com
What do you call Cupid’s arrow when he upgrades to a crossbow? A lover’s quarrel
— upjoke.com
What do arrows and young ladies have in common? They're all aquiver in the presence of a beau.
— upjoke.com
How many flat-earthers does it take to draw an arrow? None. They can't make a point.
— upjoke.com
What does George Washington have in common with Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter? They both went to Mount Vernon.
— upjoke.com
My aunt told me don’t blink because life goes by so fast. She now suffers from severe eye inflammation
— upjoke.com
An Australian guy is going around asking people trivia questions on the street... The Australian guy approaches a random man and says, "You there! If you can name one Scandanavian country right now, I'll give you $100." The man says, "Norway!" The Australian says, "Yes way! Any one of them."
— upjoke.com
What do you call an Australian in space? An Austronaut
— upjoke.com
I don't just like Australian cars. I'm beholden to them
— upjoke.com
Offering fruit to an Australian for breakfast may not make them happy.. ..But a veggie might.
— upjoke.com
I used to be a baker but I couldn't make enough dough.
— upjoke.com
The city's top donut baker announced his retirement today. Apparently he'd grown tired of the hole business.
— upjoke.com
Did you hear about the baker that got arrested? He spent a dozen weeks in custardy
— upjoke.com
Never make fun of an Italian baker. Or he'll kick the focaccia.
— upjoke.com
A friend of mine knows I'm a baker and asked for a cake as a wedding present I told him I can't do it for free I am sorry. He asked why and I said Sorry, I knead the dough...
— upjoke.com
Why can’t you play basketball with a sovereign citizen? They are always traveling
— upjoke.com
Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters? Because they are filled with anty bodies.
— upjoke.com
I was arrested for drinking battery acid. But I wasn’t charged.
— upjoke.com