Every joke I've kept

An elephant is talking to a hippopotamus, and the elephant says, "You know, there's nothing worse than a cold in the nose." The hippo says, "Oh yeah? Did you never have chapped lips?"

— public joke corpus

Q: How many Lizzie's does it take to screw up a light bulb A: I Dunno, but it only takes one to screw up a graduation ( from movie lizzie McGuire: she ruins junior high graduation)

— public joke corpus

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

— public joke corpus

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom. Let me show you how."

— public joke corpus

How can a person living in Minnesota be buried in Milwaukee?

— public joke corpus

What do you call a pretty woman in Poland? A tourist

— public joke corpus

Can you decipher this phrase? DOG THE The underdog!

— public joke corpus

One night, a little boy and his father were having a conversation. The father asked the boy, "Can you say your ABC's, son?" "Yes I can! A...B..C..." and he goes through the whole alphebet. The father then said, "That's good, but can you say it backwords?" The boy smiles and says, "yeah", so he turns around and says, "A...B...C..."

— public joke corpus

What do you do when you're lonely on an Alaskan cruise? Answer: Go to the window and yell "whale"

— public joke corpus

Two Welsh sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of their herd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says, "I hear they're doing this to women in England!"

— public joke corpus

Why did the designer break up with their font? Because it wasn't their type.

— public joke corpus

365.25 days on a low-calorie diet - 1 lite year

— public joke corpus

Q: What did the chicken say after it crossed the road? A: "Why is everyone always talking about me?"

— public joke corpus

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

— public joke corpus

A doctor one day was accidentally cut rather badly on the leg. He went to an operating theatre and started to stitch his own leg up, using a local anaesthetic. While doing this, a colleague came into the room, and offered to help. The first doctor thanked him, but said he would carry on himself. The second doctor said, "Ok, suture self!"

— public joke corpus

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. That was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

— public joke corpus

This is what happen to a boy and his father: Son: dad i want to marry. Father: who do you want to marry? Son: your mother. Father: why do you want to marry my mother? Son: because you also marry my mother. :)

— public joke corpus

What did the big flower say to the littler flower? Hi, bud!

— public joke corpus

What does a dog do in your backyard that you don't want to step in? Dig a hole. If you step in the hole, you might twist your ankle!

— public joke corpus

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away

— public joke corpus