Every joke I've kept

We're here on the airport, where a group of people have just arrived after being stranded on an island for more than a year.

— public joke corpus

Q: What did the seismologist say when he messed up? A: It's not my fault.

— public joke corpus

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

— public joke corpus

Steve is playing with his 3 friends at his tree in the back garden, and his mum comes out and shouts, "If all four of you fall out of that tree and break both legs, then don't come running to me!"

— public joke corpus

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

— public joke corpus

Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?" Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."

— public joke corpus

This Chinese man asks this guy what he does for a living. The guy says, 'I'm a comedian.' The Chinese guy says 'No, u no camedien!' The guy says, 'Yer, I am, honest.' The Chinese guy says, 'No, you're not, ploove it, change coror!' (He says it like chameleon)

— public joke corpus

What's worse than 10 babies in one dumpster? 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

— public joke corpus

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead Now it goes to school with her Between two hunks of bread.

— public joke corpus

Racing through the snow a onewarde southern sleigh, all the way we go bahing through the trees, the snow is turning red, I think i'm almost dead, all the children laugh and play around my stupid head!

— public joke corpus

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".

— public joke corpus

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

— public joke corpus

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

— public joke corpus

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

— public joke corpus

Have You Seen Any UFOs Lately?

Have you noticed since most people have a camcorder these days there are not as many people talking about seeing UFOs as there use to be?

— public joke corpus

Ewww! (Mik And Mak from Bad News are Back!)

Mik: "Do skunks have a good sense of smell?" Mak: "No! If they did, they'd jump off a cliff!"

— public joke corpus

What's Kermit the Frog's Middle Name?

What is Kermit the Frog's middle name? The.

— public joke corpus

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken and the road can't agree on anything.

— public joke corpus

I'm a nobody and nobody is perfect - therefore, I am perfect.

— public joke corpus

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.

— public joke corpus