What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
How is a computer like an air conditioner? When you open Windows it won't work!
— public joke corpus
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
— public joke corpus
What do you call a flying skunk? A smell-icopter
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Let's see if I understand the state of personal responsibility in the America of the 1990s.
— public joke corpus
It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins. Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
— public joke corpus
Where did the API go to eat? To the RESTaurant.
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What did the cop say to the bad popcicle? Freeze!
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Knock-Knock Who's there? life life who? A life is what you need to get!
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Knock-Knock Who's there? Me DUHH!!
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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Why did the programmer bring a broom to work? To clean up all the bugs.
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Professionals built the Titanic. An amateur built the ark.
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Why is Michael Jackson dating twenty-eight year olds? The answer is: Because there's twenty of them! (twenty eight year olds....)
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After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
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My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking a 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."
— public joke corpus
Two Arab fathers are showing each other their family photos. One shows the other a picture and says "This is my oldest, he is a martyr. This is my second oldest, he is also a martyr." The other Arab father just sighs and says "Ahh, they blow up so quickly these days!"
— public joke corpus
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
— public joke corpus
Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate? A: A lamb chop
— public joke corpus