There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."
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It is said that "it is always in the last place you look" Well of course! Are there some people out there who keep looking after they find it?
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A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.
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A man walk up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.The woman imediately goes to her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explain why.The suervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting on ow your hair smells?"The woman replies."He's a midget"
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Why did the woman cross the Road?Never mind that- what I want to know is what she was doing out of the kitchen in the first place!
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Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button
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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
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I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!
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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
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This is by me, the asshole who dupes himeself.
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!
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Natrium chloride = table salt. "Natrium", from which the symbol "Na" derives, is the German word of "sodium".
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Flight attendant: I'm sorry to inform you, Mr. Jones, but we accidentaly left your wife back in Chicago. Man: Thank goodness!I thought I was going deaf!
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
— public joke corpus
An Irish man walks out of a bar..............Hey, It could happen
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What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
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Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
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Can women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
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Why was the fish expelled from school? He was caught with seaweed!
— public joke corpus