Every joke I've kept

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive... They would eventually find me attractive.

— r/Jokes

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

— r/Jokes

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th... Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

— r/Jokes

LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

— r/Jokes

Why didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college.

— r/Jokes

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

— r/Jokes

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe.

— r/Jokes

I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. I now have $999,999.75

— r/Jokes

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

— r/Jokes

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?

— r/Jokes

What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.

— r/Jokes

I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl... they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

— r/Jokes

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.

— r/Jokes

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

— r/Jokes

I recently submitted my resume to Sony. But they canceled the interview

— r/Jokes

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.

— r/Jokes

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?

— r/Jokes

English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

— r/Jokes

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.

— r/Jokes

What do you call immigrants to Sweden? Artificial Swedeners

— r/Jokes