The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of 911 calls.
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
At the end of a T.V. show, why do they say "filmed in front of a live audience?" Well, it wouldn't be a dead audience, would it?
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Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
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Q. What do you call a guy that sits on your doorstep? A. A Matt.
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My mom had just placed some flypaper out when my little cousin wandered in. She was fascinated watching the flies get caught. Finally, my mom asked, "Molly, don't you have flies in your house?" "Yeah, we have flies. We just don't have anything for them to sit on."
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Q: How does god change a light bulb? A: He holds the bulb and rotates the planet.
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The funniest bumper sticker is: Keep honking I'm reloading!
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"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." - Jay Leno
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A farmer sent his nephew a crate of chickens, but the box burst open just as the boy started to take them out.The next day he wrote his uncle, "I chased them through my neighbor's yard, but only got back eleven." The uncle wrote back: "You did all right.I only sent six."
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It's so easy, it makes pie look hard.
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One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a wood tick? A wood tick falls off when you die.
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Knock Knock Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ? Banana split, so ice creamed !
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How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive West.
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Where There's a Will, There's a Way
A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will. At his lawyer's office, he threw his will on the table and said, "This needs an heircut."
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Why do blondes wear red lipstick?Because green means stop
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When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
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Q: How does Michael Jackson know it's time for bed? A: When the big hand touches the little hand...
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What's better than roses on your piano?? Tulips on your organ! (two-lips)
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Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: Your Personality:
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