What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry Ive got you covered!
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Just trying to give my kids a few childhood memories they don't have to repress...
— onelinefun.com
Social life? You mean my phone?
— onelinefun.com
iPhone8 (X) has facial recognition. It looked at my face and told me that I can't afford it...
— onelinefun.com
I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the full sentence was "You're pretty annoying." but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.
— onelinefun.com
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
— onelinefun.com
I'm anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma.
— onelinefun.com
Someone asked me how you weigh an elephant. It's quite like weighing a person, but on a much larger scale.
— onelinefun.com
Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.
— onelinefun.com
Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment.
— onelinefun.com
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
— onelinefun.com
My password is the last 16 digits of Pi.
— onelinefun.com
My dad used to say "Always fight fire with fire." Probably explains why he was thrown out of the Fire Service.
— onelinefun.com
Music makes every day better, especially if you turn it up just loud enough to drown out all the people around you.
— onelinefun.com
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
— onelinefun.com
Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.
— onelinefun.com
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
— onelinefun.com
Why can't fishermen be generous? Because their business makes them sell fish!
— onelinefun.com
Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...
— onelinefun.com
Squirrels always act like it's their first day of being a squirrel.
— onelinefun.com