Every joke I've kept

What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ? A dollar.

— r/Jokes

Have you heard about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?? He's 0K now.

— r/Jokes

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

— r/Jokes

A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."

— r/Jokes

What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ? Nobody knows

— r/Jokes

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper. looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

— r/Jokes

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

— r/Jokes

Whats better than roses on a piano? tulips on an organ...

— r/Jokes

What's Whitney Houstons's favourite type of co-ordination? HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they.... lactose.....

— r/Jokes

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine? Because of his retractable clause.

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When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane

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What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate

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I received an email from Google. It said, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards " I thought, "That's just spam."

— r/Jokes

How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed.

— r/Jokes

What did baby corn say to mommy corn? Where's popcorn?

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Pavlov is sitting at a bar when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.

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I was going to tell a time travel joke... but you didn't like it.

— r/Jokes

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

— r/Jokes

Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol! Not consecutively, though.

— r/Jokes