Every joke I've kept

Q: How do you serve food in space? A: On flying saucers

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What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a shark? Far far away!

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What do you call a blind German? A not see!

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Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

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My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

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Barry calls his boss. "I'm having problems with my eyes." "What's wrong with them?" his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming into work today."

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How Does Sherlock Sneeze?

Brad: Chad, how does Sherlock Holmes sneeze? Chad: A clue ! A clue!

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I saw a girl the other day. I didn't like her because she was a butter face. You know 'butter face' - she has a hot body, but her face . . .

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Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. There never was any light bulb. Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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Q: What is the difference between a plate and a booger? A: The plate is on the table, but the booger is under the table. Q: What is the difference between a prince and a booger? A: The prince is the heir to the throne, but the booger is thrown to the air.

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Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock? Because time will tell.

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!

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A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise, took his shotgun downstairs, and pointed the gun at the burglar. He then said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot. "

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Q: What do men and linoleum have in common? A: Lay them right and you can walk all over them the rest of your life.

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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

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Mary had a little lamb, fries and a coke.

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How many moves, at least, are required to checkmate in chess? Four moves. 1.f4 e5 2.g4 Qh4#

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Confucius Say: Crowd in elevator smell different to midget.

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How does a French skeleton say hello? Bone-jour.

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