Every joke I've kept

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.

— r/Jokes

For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist." I haven't worn it yet.

— r/Jokes

Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? BMWs have the pricks on the inside!

— r/Jokes

If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.

— r/Jokes

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid. Guess that makes it Priustoric

— r/Jokes

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.

— r/Jokes

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

— r/Jokes

I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.

— r/Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now.

— r/Jokes

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom. A pick pocket snatches watches.

— r/Jokes

So I met a vegan. I'd finish the joke, but she's still talking.

— r/Jokes

A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff. Baa-Dumm-Tsss

— r/Jokes

Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong. but i say, whatever floats your goat

— r/Jokes

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.

— r/Jokes

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

— r/Jokes

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist. My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

— r/Jokes

An Apple store near where I live got robbed. $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

— r/Jokes

The only problem with kissing a perfect 10 is how cold the mirror feels against your lips.

— r/Jokes

I redid my entire house with mirrors... You could say it really reflects who I am.

— r/Jokes

Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

— r/Jokes