Two men held up a bank.They cleaned out the cash drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault.They were getting ready to make their getaway when one of the tellers whispered, "Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?"One of the robbers said, "What's on your mind, pal?""Would you mind taking the books, too?I'm five thousand short."
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Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they would crack each other up.
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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?" The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
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Mik and mak are having a pillow fight. Mak whacks mik hard. Mik yells "are you jamaican because ja maican me crazy!"
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How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three- Each to do one good turn daily.
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Want to hear a backwards joke? ekoj
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If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL. If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT. If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL. If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.
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Ok. I honestly saw this on a billboard: Illiterate? Call this number to learn how to read.
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While on a game show, Justins had to identify a number of sounds. When she heard this: *laughter then plop, plop, plop* she identified it correctly right away. What did she say? An audience laughing it's head off
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What's the difference between an alchoholic & a drug addict? The alchoholic drives over the stop sign, while the drug addict waits for it to turn green.
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What's the Swedish word for divorce and swearing? Ikea.
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What is the fastest way to double your money? By folding it in half
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The bumper sticker of a proud parent read: MY SON WAS INMATE OF THE MONTH
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Borrow money from a pessimist---They don't expect it back.
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Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aren't you glad you got rid of all those grannies?
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What did the light bulb say to the socket?I love you watts!!
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A man was having a serious surgical operation. When he woke up, he asked his doctor, "Did it go well?" "It went perfectly." "Then why do I have this headache?" "Oh, that. Halfway through the operation, we ran out of anesthetic."
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Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
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I wanted to learn how to make ice cream, so I started attending sundae school.
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Why did the boy buy a new bum? Coz his had a crack in it.
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