Every joke I've kept

Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

— r/Jokes

When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out.

— r/Jokes

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."

— r/Jokes

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one.

— r/Jokes

Not all math puns are bad. Just sum

— r/Jokes

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home. I guess he's homeless.

— r/Jokes

How do you spell candy with two letters? C and Y

— r/Jokes

I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today. Stupid capital punishment

— r/Jokes

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go? The ICU.

— r/Jokes

Happy Halloween... Why did the Ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS

— r/Jokes

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess... so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

— r/Jokes

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

— r/Jokes

Why don't fairies live under toadstools? Because there's not mushroom!

— r/Jokes

In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ... the entire story is the sub-plot.

— r/Jokes

I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?

— r/Jokes

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday! Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

— r/Jokes

My favorite rapper is 50 cent. Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

— r/Jokes

my great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas. my so-so grandmother got me socks

— r/Jokes

Where do dads keep their jokes? In their dadabase.

— r/Jokes

I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives.

— r/Jokes