Every joke I've kept

What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless.

— r/Jokes

By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?

— r/Jokes

When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo? I had to put my foot down.

— r/Jokes

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me. I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

— r/Jokes

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? 2Na

— r/Jokes

PSA: Please don't call them dwarves... It's not the proper gnomenclature.

— r/Jokes

The next iPhone won't be a failure. In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.

— r/Jokes

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. and she whispered "They're behind you."

— r/Jokes

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise. The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

— r/Jokes

My friend asked me "if you could have any super power in the world, what would it be?" I said Cold War Russia.

— r/Jokes

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws ? Outlaws are wanted

— r/Jokes

19 and 20 got in a fight. 21.

— r/Jokes

I beat a black belt at karate. My next challenger is a green sock.

— r/Jokes

Why do pediatricians get so frustrated? They have very little patients.

— r/Jokes

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

— r/Jokes

When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.

— r/Jokes

Human drinks a Vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like. "It's irony."

— r/Jokes

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

— r/Jokes

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

— r/Jokes

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out they were firefighters.

— r/Jokes