My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".
— r/Jokes
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.
— r/Jokes
I thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.
— r/Jokes
I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait, that came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
— r/Jokes
What shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)
— r/Jokes
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr.Dre
— r/Jokes
What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
— r/Jokes
So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming.
— r/Jokes
Nerd joke. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."
— r/Jokes
A gymnast walks into a bar... She is then deducted five points.
— r/Jokes
The creator of WinRAR was arrested and put on trial. The trial was supposed to last 40 days, but it keeps on going
— r/Jokes
A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids.
— r/Jokes
Put the punchline in the title. Do you know what the best way to ruin a joke is?
— r/Jokes
Sally can't sell seashells down by the seashore anymore... She was busted for conch-traband.
— r/Jokes
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back 4 seconds
— r/Jokes
What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes? Remorse code
— r/Jokes
Every program I write is completely error-free. No exceptions!
— r/Jokes
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
— r/Jokes
How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.
— r/Jokes
I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
— r/Jokes