Every joke I've kept

Resumes can have midleading information. This guide should help clear any confusion...

— public joke corpus

A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" "Don't worry," said the doctor. "Eventually, she'll rise and shine.

— public joke corpus

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A licalottapus!

— public joke corpus

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved

— public joke corpus

Isn't it fascinating how feet smell and noses run?

— public joke corpus

There once was an X from place B, That satisfied predicate P, He or she did thing A, In an adjective way, Resulting in circumstance C.

— public joke corpus

A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did so, raising her hands above her head, and sneezed on the Mum's face!!

— public joke corpus

If two's a company and three's a crowd... what's four and five? NINE!!!!

— public joke corpus

And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.

— public joke corpus

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks? A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

— public joke corpus

What is represented by this? STEPPETSPETS One step forward, two steps back!

— public joke corpus

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

— public joke corpus

Why is it that every time we blow our noses, we look inside the tissue afterwards? Are we expecting something other than boogers? Or are we checking to make sure they have not run off?

— public joke corpus

"Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me." "What did they say?"

— public joke corpus

What's the difference between a leg and an egg? You can beat an egg up, but you can't beat a leg up!

— public joke corpus

Did you know that 18 out of 10 people don't understand fractions?

— public joke corpus

You have a million cows. Most of them are illegals.

— public joke corpus

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you -the next time he's in need.

— public joke corpus

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

— public joke corpus

Following questions and answers were collated from recent British GCSE exams (16 year olds)!

— public joke corpus