Every joke I've kept

Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day. Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

— r/Jokes

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

— r/Jokes

Bad news about shortbread! They're not making it any longer.

— r/Jokes

What do you call an artist in a dark alley? Sketchy

— r/Jokes

My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 °C. Don't worry though, he's 0K.

— r/Jokes

I am amazing at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding

— r/Jokes

If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck it'll be a vacuum!

— r/Jokes

Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.

— r/Jokes

Dogs can't operate an Mri machines... But catscan

— r/Jokes

Have you heard the latest joke about statisticians? Probably.

— r/Jokes

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me... Outlook not so good.

— r/Jokes

Why can't two elephants go swimming? -They only have one pair of trunks.

— r/Jokes

I wanted to make my racing snail faster.. So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.

— r/Jokes

Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity. You know who you are.

— r/Jokes

Next year I'll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights... It's going to be Excel Lent

— r/Jokes

A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away. This was a grave mistake

— r/Jokes

Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

— r/Jokes

Stupid one liners everyone should know. I'll start: I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust.

— r/Jokes

Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the other side

— r/Jokes

Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers.

— r/Jokes