"I'm having trouble with this new hearing aid," said the man to his audiologist. "Really? Can you describe the symptoms?" "Sure. Homer is fat and yellow, Marge has blue hair..."
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
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What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday? "Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"
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Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!
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What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1
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I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year... The sails are going through the roof.
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Why did the developer break up with their keyboard? It just wasn't their type anymore.
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How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names." What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts"!
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What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
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Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.
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Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
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Q: What does Donald Trump say before he lights off a fire work? A:You`re fired!
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I am sure everyone has heard the saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, I have improved on this saying so that it applies to my life, and here it is. "If it ain't broke, it ain't ours!"
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How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges? It was a tight squeeze.
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Why Didn't the Duck Cross the Road?
Why didn't the duck cross the road? To prove he's no chicken.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Q: Why is an elephant gray, large and wrinkled? A: Because if it were small, round, and white, it would be an aspirin. Q:What did the cat who had no money say?A:I'm paw.Q: What do you get if you cross an alley cat with a Chinese cat?A: A Peking Tom.Q: What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?A: She had mittens.
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If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
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When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
— public joke corpus