Every joke I've kept

I don't trust stairs... They look like they're up to something.

— r/Jokes

What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander? Squirtle

— r/Jokes

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after? The Weasley twins

— r/Jokes

I told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl. They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they.

— r/Jokes

I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential.

— r/Jokes

What do Spiderman and I have in common? We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.

— r/Jokes

Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it.

— r/Jokes

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn’t need any assistance. The tailor says "Fine. Suit yourself."

— r/Jokes

10, 27, 28, 30, 32 walk into a bar... 10 says "I'm drinking age, I swear!" The bartender says "Outlier!"

— r/Jokes

Peyton Manning is opening a bakery. As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers.

— r/Jokes

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb. Then I realized that my life was a joke...

— r/Jokes

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

— r/Jokes

How does a coat steal something? They jacket

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You remember those yardsticks? They don't make them any longer.

— r/Jokes

I told my therapist that no one understands me... She said, "What do you mean by that?"

— r/Jokes

I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time... I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch

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What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it? A pepperonly pizza!

— r/Jokes

I have an inferiority complex..... It's not a very good one, though.

— r/Jokes

Last night a movie theater was robbed of $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal and a pack of skittles.

— r/Jokes

I could never cheat in a relationship... Because that would require two people to find me attractive.

— r/Jokes