Every joke I've kept

I saved 15% on car insurance by switching.... The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident

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What does a redneck Buddhist believe in? Reintarnation.

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Back in my day we used to only have chalkboards. The new whiteboards they use are. Remarkable

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My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't. The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

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Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.

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I love throwing house warming parties. But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.

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I got mugged by 6 dwarves . not Happy.

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Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go

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Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space. Its about time too

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Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

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My boss said, "Have a good day"... So I went home.

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How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb? Do you have a ticket for that?

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How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.

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I've got my doctorate in palindromes. I'm now addressed as Dr.Awkward

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You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon. He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."

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What do you call a person without a son? per

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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

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Why does nobody like a rich stone? Because he takes everything for granite.

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You know what would be a hilarious prank? Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.

— r/Jokes